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17.01.2025

The future of the Gentleman’s Code in an era of gender equality

A GC reader from Denmark shares how gender equality is reshaping traditional gender roles. With men and women splitting bills, household chores, and military service, does the gentleman’s code still hold relevance?

Mathias Le Fèvre - Danish gentlemen style influencer entrepreneur and model based in London.

Photo credit: mathiaslefevre.com



Letter from Y.M. Raja A.

Hi GC,

My name is Raja A, I have been staying in Denmark for the past 7 years. Your response on a concern raised regarding whether a man can hit a woman caught my interest and since I am on leave today, I'd like to share you what I have observed in Denmark which would resonate with the concern.

Denmark is one of the countries which has the lowest Gender Inequality Index, which is denoted as GII. This is in line with the United Nation's goal to minimize / end gender inequality by 2030. Gender equality is deeply an ingrained value in Denmark. There have a human rights law called as the law of Jante where gender inequality statements like men are physically stronger than women, or men is the leader of the house are seen as a taboo and are deemed as a discrimination, at least in Denmark.

I do not condone domestic violence either so does Denmark but because of the gender equality value, when it comes to marital affairs, physical contact is warranted if either party decides to attack.

In Denmark, there is no such thing as a man cannot hit a woman. That belief itself would not be appreciated by the women here as they perceive that interpretation as women being weak and overpowered. On dates, Danish men do not insist on paying for dinner when they go on dates because insisting to pay for a girl is considered rude and sexist. Couples in Denmark prefer splitting the bill or taking turns. This also includes household bills where bills are evenly split between both parties.

In Denmark, there is no such thing as guys make the move first. You would not hear Danish men saying "ladies first" to a lady here either. Another interesting observation here is that many Danish men are able to cook, baking and knit very well because these jobs are no longer seen as a woman's job.

In a nutshell, Danish men do more housework than any other country in the world. Danish men are also very known for their egalitarianism views so they find a girl who would agree to make shared decisions and splitting chores/ bills fairly.

Interestingly too, last year the Danish PM has passed a bill to have more women in the military. Countries like Norway, Sweden, Netherlands have already begun to enforce the role of gender equality.

My question to the fellowship of GC is, if more countries decide to embark on this gender equality initiative, what would happen to the gentleman's code particularly on the ladies? Who is responsible to revise the gentleman's codes?

If this gender equality evolves as per UN's goal by 2030, this could render the gentleman's codes as obsolete / irrelevant because ladies first, insisting to pay bills and men being the leader of the house are all part of being a gentleman. Is gender equality a threat to GC? Is GC ready for this change? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts about this delicate yet interesting issue.

P/s : You should send a team to Denmark and do an interview with Danish men regarding gender equality. It would be an eye opener to hear what they have to say.

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Y.M. Raja A,

What an extraordinary message you've gifted us with. In seven years of publishing GC, rarely have we encountered a letter that so elegantly challenges our core mission while simultaneously illuminating the path forward.

You know, something rather striking happened to us few years ago. Over coffee conversation with a European diplomat in Kuala Lumpur, he mentioned that in his homeland, publications celebrating traditional masculinity had vanished entirely – replaced by gender equality manifestos. That conversation, combined with your insights from Denmark, highlights something profound: GC stands as one of the last bastions exploring the art of refined masculinity in a rapidly evolving world.

The Danish model you've described – where men excel in culinary arts, share domestic responsibilities equally, and reject traditional gender-based courtesies – presents us with an exhilarating challenge. It forces us to ask: Is there still room for the gentleman's subtle arts in a world striving for perfect equality?

But here's where it gets fascinating: Perhaps we're asking the wrong question. Instead of seeing gender equality as a threat to gentlemanly conduct, what if it's actually an invitation to elevate our understanding of what true refinement means? The Danish experience suggests that genuine respect might look different than we imagined – less about holding doors specifically for ladies, and more about creating a world where everyone can flourish without artificial constraints.

Your observations have sparked something exciting within our editorial team. We're now seriously considering a special series exploring how different cultures across the globe are redefining masculine elegance. Denmark, with its unique approach, would make an extraordinary first chapter. Would you be interested in helping us shape this investigation?

Because here's what's becoming clear: The gentleman's code was never meant to be a static rulebook. It's a living philosophy of respect, refined living, and grace – one that must evolve with society while preserving its essential spirit. The question isn't whether GC will become obsolete, but how we'll help shape this evolution.

Your letter challenges us in the best possible way, and for that, we thank you. But more than anything, we appreciate that you’ve invited us to reflect on the road ahead. In the near future, we'll be diving deeper into this transformation, and we'd be honored to feature more of your insights from the Danish perspective.

 

"Our problems are manmade—therefore, they can be solved by man." - John F. Kennedy

 

With genuine appreciation and anticipation,

The Gentleman

 

READ: European Embassy commends GC's commitment to empowering modern masculinity

READ: Unpopular Opinion: Why Vladimir Putin maybe the last guardian of traditional values


Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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