12.08.2025

Reader challenges “Ladies’ Code” remark

A reader offers candid feedback on GC’s “ladies’ code” remark, questioning outdated gender expectations, emphasising mutual respect, and urging alignment with modern gentlemanly values.

Kebaya, Javanese-style traditional clothes for women, and its male counterpart beskap. (Photo for illustration only).


 

Dear GC,

Some friends advised me not to send this feedback, suggesting it might not be well received. Still, I feel it’s important to express my perspective, particularly in response to your remarks about “ladies too had a code.”

I agree with your phrasing, but you used it in the past tense - had - which implies such a code is no longer relevant today. This raises the question: why do some men still expect women to follow it? The definition of what makes a lady should come from women themselves, not from men, and certainly not from an outdated set of rules.

Whatever your reader Mr. Faiz has experienced is, in my view, less about insecurity and more about mutual respect. Words carry weight, and I would encourage careful consideration when discussing matters relating to women, as phrasing can sometimes be perceived differently than intended.

You’ve also stated that “many men find themselves manipulated by partners who don’t reciprocate those values.” May I ask how you reached that conclusion?

Regarding your statement, “True infidelity is not a swipe, a scroll, or a double tap,” I believe this risks normalising certain behaviours online that may be inconsistent with honouring women. This, in turn, may undermine the very code you wish to uphold.

I share this feedback not to criticise, but to provide my honest opinion in the hope it will be considered constructively.

Whether you choose to act on it or not is, of course, your decision.

 

Best regards,

Azreen

Answer by The Gent:

Dear Azreen,

Your letter arrived like a thoughtful gift - wrapped in honesty and care. We're genuinely grateful you chose to share your perspective with us, particularly when others advised against it. Such courage in discourse is precisely what elevates conversation beyond mere politeness into something meaningful.

When we referenced "ladies too had a code," we were acknowledging the graceful evolution of feminine ideals across generations - much like how the gentleman's path has been refined by time and wisdom. We would never presume to define what makes a lady; that distinction belongs entirely to women themselves, and watching how many modern women have redefined elegance, intellect, and grace has been nothing short of inspiring.

You're absolutely right that respect forms the foundation of all worthy relationships. Our observation about some men feeling disconnected from partners came from countless letters we've received over the years - stories told from one perspective, as all personal accounts inevitably are. Perhaps we should have acknowledged more clearly that every relationship story has multiple chapters, each deserving consideration.

Regarding our stance on digital behavior - "True infidelity is not a swipe, a scroll, or a double tap" - we maintain this position, though we appreciate your invitation to examine its implications more deeply. What we mean is that genuine betrayal involves deliberate emotional or physical departure from one's commitments, not fleeting digital interactions. However, a man who truly honors women will ensure his online presence reflects the same reverence he claims to hold sacred - whether in public forums or private moments.

The truth is, neither men nor women have perfected the art of modern relationships. We're all learning to balance timeless virtues with contemporary realities. Rather than viewing this as a challenge between genders, we see it as an elegant dance - where the strength of one partner gracefully complements the wisdom of the other, creating something more beautiful than either could achieve alone.

Your voice matters deeply to this conversation. Even where our perspectives may differ, such exchanges don't divide us - they refine us, helping ensure that the dialogue between men and women remains one of mutual elevation rather than opposition.

 

With sincere appreciation for your candor,

The Gent

 

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