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Question from Mr. A.M.:
Good afternoon Gentlemen,
Hope this email finds you well. I may be the oldest person communicating with you as I am 74 years old, happily retired and playing golf almost every week. You might be curious why an octogenarian such as I would want to communicate with you. I was taking my time going through some of the issues which you have consolidated on your site and I think I could relate some of those with my life. I have 5 adult children. 5 girls and 1 guy. The eldest is my girl who is 38 years old, followed by the boy who is 36 years old. My other girl is 33 and my youngest is 29 .
I am a proud father to have raised them to become who they are today, at least someone with a stable job, a good position and a healthy pay grade. What they all seem to have in common is that they do not want to settle down. I am not complaining as long as they are happy, I am happy as they have more time to take care of me and listen to my bickering as I am a single parent. Their mother walked away from us 10 years ago and she remarried, but what I want to highlight here is that society has truly changed us because society influences our consciousness via social connection. Our own circle of people shapes and exposes us to societal norms / beliefs. I asked my eldest daughter out of curiosity why won't she settle down, she says it's a waste of time because the people around her are either unhappily staying married or in the midst of a divorce. She says even those who are married, tell her not to get married because they are extremely unhappy. She also says she doesn't need a man, she has her sisters and brother if she needs help. I asked my son, and I got a similar answer. These are coming from 38 and 36 year olds. I would expect them to expedite their search for a partner given their age. I don't blame them for thinking that way because I am a divorcee myself but you can clearly see how our surroundings play a role with how we think and behave.
Another good example, I was born in 1950 and grew up where collared shirts, bell bottoms and platform shoes take the center stage. We were more properly dressed than we are today. But somehow things change, we start to become more casual year by year and fast forward today, it's clear that fashion has undergone a significant transformation. It has veered away from the traditional norms but embraces a more laid-back style of casual wear. Casual clothes means more freedom to move. Again, the influence of society has changed the way we dress.
But there are selected people who continue to dress well regardless, which usually are people from the elite group like the royalties being one example. Because they were brought up with a certain value / standard, and by refusing to embrace those standards would be seen as treason by the family. Titles like Megat, Raja, Tengku are not merely just a title but a birthright that links to their forefathers. Refusing to pass these titles down to your child would mean a betrayal to the royal protocol as these titles harkens during the glorious era of the Melaka Sultanate. Enforcing such rules and laws preserve such tradition.
My good friend, YM Tengku Datuk Wan, (I am sure he doesn't mind mentioning his name since there are many Tengku Wans out there), smart chap, was adamant about preserving the royal cultural traditions and customs. He wanted his son to marry someone from a royal family to have a shared cultural background and to eventually pass down the royal tradition to the next generation. This is one way how someone preserves culture by limiting the circle with only people who embrace and uphold these cultural values.
Your purpose to bring awareness about men to be gentlemen is virtuous albeit a very uphill battle especially as it involves the general audience where their principles and values change with the various interactions they have with others as time moves, as evidently shown in my examples above. Something to ponder about.
