27.03.2025

The silent struggles of men

Modern masculinity comes with relentless pressure—competition, expectations, and silent battles. If men are expected to succeed at all costs, while being told they have privilege, how long before the weight becomes too much?

AI.

Photo for illustration only.

Letter from Mr Chen.

Dear GC,

I've been following the discussions on GC, and it’s clear that the platform is shaping meaningful conversations about modern masculinity. From style to success, from culture to living—GC offers a space where men can explore beyond mainstream fashion magazine, that is on what it truly means to be a gentleman today. But there’s one conversation that seems to be missing: the silent struggles that many men face .

Men live in a world of constant competition—where status, power, and dominance decide who succeeds and who gets left behind. It’s a harsh reality, one that most of us didn’t choose, and very few actually enjoy.

The truth is, most men are just trying to keep up. Many struggle in silence, feeling trapped in a system that demands more from them every day. Some can’t take it, which is why men make up the majority of those battling loneliness, depression, and even suicide.

Women often talk about being excluded from certain opportunities, and that’s a fair point. But what many don’t realize is that men are forced to compete—whether they want to or not. Compete to be the best student. The best education The best job. The best company. The beautiful wife. There’s no option to step back, no room to say, "This isn’t for me." Society doesn’t allow it. A man who isn’t successful isn’t "finding himself"—he’s just seen as a failure. A stay-at-home dad isn’t respected—he’s judged as someone who isn’t pulling his weight. The pressure is always there, and the consequences of not measuring up are brutal.

Men also deal with their own version of sexism . While women face unwanted comments and condescension, men get direct insults, physical aggression, and constant challenges to their worth. There’s no "nice" mask—just a world that expects them to be tough, capable, and unshakable at all times.

This is why, I think relationships with women mean so much to men. More than romance, a relationship offers something even rarer—a break from the battle . It’s a chance to lower our guard, to feel safe, to be vulnerable without fear of judgment. It’s not about competing with our partner but finding peace with them.

My question to you is this, if men are constantly told they have privilege, while also being expected to carry the weight of the world, how long before the pressure becomes too much?

Best,

William

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Chen,

Your letter strikes at the heart of a truth many men feel but rarely articulate—the world is a battlefield, and from the moment we step into it, we are expected to fight. Nietzsche once said, “Life itself is the will to power.” And he was right. From our youth, we are measured by our achievements, our dominance, and our ability to endure. Even in retirement, the game never truly ends—only the playing field changes.

It is common to hear "Dia power dohh" when a man rises to the top, but how often do we hear, "Wow… he is such an elegant man"? Power impresses, but elegance inspires.

But here’s a thought: What if there was another way?

A path not of relentless struggle, but of refinement, and grace? If life is indeed a war, then perhaps the greatest victory is not in conquering others but in cultivating the soul.

Instead of being weighed down by power, look to beauty and nature for inspiration. Instead of being trapped in an endless chase for status, immerse yourself in high culture—the best that has been thought and said. Read poetry, visit galleries, listen to classical music, indulge in a fine meal at a place where time slows down. Travel, not as an escape, but as an act of enrichment. A man who only knows competition will always be restless; a man who understands elegance will always be at peace.

So yes, the weight is heavy. The world is indifferent. But tell me, Chen—between raw power and refined elegance, which truly elevates?

Yours in the pursuit of excellence,
The Gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman." Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Please note: We no longer accept letters on marital or divorce issues.

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The silent struggles of men

Modern masculinity comes with relentless pressure—competition, expectations, and silent battles. If men are expected to succeed at all costs, while being told they have privilege, how long before the weight becomes too much?

Letter from Mr Chen.

Dear GC,

Men live in a world of constant competition—where status, power, and dominance decide who succeeds and who gets left behind. It’s a harsh reality, one that most of us didn’t choose, and very few actually enjoy.

The truth is, most men are just trying to keep up. Many struggle in silence, feeling trapped in a system that demands more from them every day. Some can’t take it, which is why men make up the majority of those battling loneliness, depression, and even suicide.

Men also deal with their own version of sexism . While women face unwanted comments and condescension, men get direct insults, physical aggression, and constant challenges to their worth. There’s no "nice" mask—just a world that expects them to be tough, capable, and unshakable at all times.

My question to you is this, if men are constantly told they have privilege, while also being expected to carry the weight of the world, how long before the pressure becomes too much?

Best,

William

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Chen,

It is common to hear "Dia power dohh" when a man rises to the top, but how often do we hear, "Wow… he is such an elegant man"? Power impresses, but elegance inspires.

But here’s a thought: What if there was another way?

A path not of relentless struggle, but of refinement, and grace? If life is indeed a war, then perhaps the greatest victory is not in conquering others but in cultivating the soul.

So yes, the weight is heavy. The world is indifferent. But tell me, Chen—between raw power and refined elegance, which truly elevates?

Yours in the pursuit of excellence,
The Gentleman

READ MORE: Why most men pursue power, but phenomenal men pursue elegance

READ MORE: The eternal battle between elegance and power in man's life

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman." Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Please note: We no longer accept letters on marital or divorce issues.

Related posts

Please enter invitation code

Request access

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The silent struggles of men

Modern masculinity comes with relentless pressure—competition, expectations, and silent battles. If men are expected to succeed at all costs, while being told they have privilege, how long before the weight becomes too much?

Letter from Mr Chen.

Dear GC,

Men live in a world of constant competition—where status, power, and dominance decide who succeeds and who gets left behind. It’s a harsh reality, one that most of us didn’t choose, and very few actually enjoy.

The truth is, most men are just trying to keep up. Many struggle in silence, feeling trapped in a system that demands more from them every day. Some can’t take it, which is why men make up the majority of those battling loneliness, depression, and even suicide.

Men also deal with their own version of sexism . While women face unwanted comments and condescension, men get direct insults, physical aggression, and constant challenges to their worth. There’s no "nice" mask—just a world that expects them to be tough, capable, and unshakable at all times.

My question to you is this, if men are constantly told they have privilege, while also being expected to carry the weight of the world, how long before the pressure becomes too much?

Best,

William

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Chen,

It is common to hear "Dia power dohh" when a man rises to the top, but how often do we hear, "Wow… he is such an elegant man"? Power impresses, but elegance inspires.

But here’s a thought: What if there was another way?

A path not of relentless struggle, but of refinement, and grace? If life is indeed a war, then perhaps the greatest victory is not in conquering others but in cultivating the soul.

So yes, the weight is heavy. The world is indifferent. But tell me, Chen—between raw power and refined elegance, which truly elevates?

Yours in the pursuit of excellence,The Gentleman

READ MORE: Why most men pursue power, but phenomenal men pursue elegance

READ MORE: The eternal battle between elegance and power in man's life

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman." Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Please note: We no longer accept letters on marital or divorce issues.

Related posts

Yours in the pursuit of excellence,
The Gentleman