01.02.2025

The Mama’s Boy syndrome: A misunderstood honor

Is being a "mama's boy" truly a flaw, or is it a mark of a responsible man who honors his mother? We explore the misconceptions surrounding this label and the lessons men can learn in dating and marriage.

Cristiano Ronaldo and his mother, Dolores Aveiro.

Photo for illustration only. Photo credit: Getty

Hi GC,

I would like to raise this issue which actually is popular among guys but I am a bit surprised that no one has raised this to you guys. The mama's boy syndrome.

Why am i raising this? because I am a victim of it and I speak on many men out there who also face this issue.

I know this is also related to issues with the ladies, apart from all the gender equality which is pretty tense, but I just need to clear this out of my system. Why I say I am a victim is because of how negative the word mama's boy is to a whole bunch of women out there. My 2 year marriage is coming to an end because of that. My wife felt like my mom was a competition for her. I also blame myself for thinking positively about her when I had been called mama's boy before I tied the knot, but I thought she didn't take it that seriously. Last few days were CNY and I gave my mom some angpao money. I also gave my wife angpow money. My mom being my mom who raised me, it would make sense I would give her more. My wife was not happy about it. Keep questioning why. If she is not pleased with my answer, she would insult me as mama's boy. Before I got married I used to go on vacation with just my mom because my mom loves to travel. My dad doesn't like it. she has no gang to go so i would go with her every year. Most women would label me as mama's boy.

They are becoming very rude and disrespectful to men.

The other day in my office, the young women were chit chatting about Cristiano Ronaldo who is very close to his mother, all the nasty words coming out from their mouths like "eeee mama's boy" "no wonder cannot get married", "pity his gf" "I will break if my bf is a momma's boy".

I did not hear any positive remarks from them like taking care of his mother means he can be a responsible husband. I was shocked by this reaction coming from our Malaysian women who are professional workers working in an multi national company. They were all in my accounting department having ACCA and all those accreditation but I can't believe their immature thinking.

**The term mama's boy has gotten misperceived by many**. Mama's boy is supposed to be a boy who just wants his mama by his side all the time, making decisions, managing his wealth, becoming his mentor, etc. I am executing my responsibility as a man to protect my mom by giving money, going on holiday with her (which is only once a year), visiting her once a week depending on time and I am here labeled as mama's boy by my foolish wife (soon to be ex, thank the Lord!).

I manage my own wealth, I do the laundry myself, I do my own cooking, I don't cling on the phone with my mom. She doesn't call me everyday. Sometimes she doesn't call for a week because she knows I am going to see her. Is that considered a "mama's boy"? So what is this "mama's boy" perception that is so foolishly misunderstood by women? I am freaking 39 this year, it is insulting to know that my wife sees me as a boy by calling me mama's boy!

My CNY became a marriage disaster because of the angpow issue. I told her that is my mother. She deserves to get more. Then she scolded me, she asked me to stop seeing my mom and then she insulted me by telling me to go sleep at my mother's house because I am such a mama's boy for giving my mom lots of money for ang pao. That was the last straw for me and my decision is final, on Monday I am going to court to file a divorce petition.

But what I want to ask is, how can a guy manage this Mama's Boy misconception? I think you guys have to come up with some firm points because I am not the only guy facing this. There are many men out there who are being accused of being a mama's boy but what they are merely doing is executing their responsibility as a son. When we tell the ladies, they won't buy it and they will continue to label us as momma's boy.

I really don't know why women are becoming terrible creatures nowadays. They are becoming unmanageable like Satan. It's all about making them happy, not us. They see us like this sacrificial lamb, tearing us bit by bit by bit until there is nothing left on us and we are still expected to follow what they want because they are the only ones who would call us a gentleman. I don't need to be called a gentleman from them if I feel like I am being taken advantage of. No gentleman will come and rescue me.

Hope to hear your advice on this.

Thanks.

Cris

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Mr. Cris,

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal story with GC. Your letter touched us deeply, as it highlights an unfortunate stigma that many honorable men face today.

Let us be clear: being a devoted son who cares for his mother is not a character flaw – it is a mark of integrity. A man who honors his mother demonstrates fundamental qualities that make for a good husband and partner: loyalty, compassion, and the ability to appreciate and respect women. Your actions – supporting your mother financially, accompanying her on occasional travels, maintaining healthy boundaries while staying connected – reflect admirable filial piety (filial piety is the virtue of showing respect and love for one's parents, ancestors, and elders. It is a core concept in Confucian, Chinese Buddhist, and Daoist ethics) that is deeply rooted in our Asian values.

The painful experience with your wife has revealed something crucial: the problem was never about being a "mama's boy." It was about encountering someone who viewed love as a competition rather than an expansion of the heart. A secure partner understands that love for family and love for a spouse occupy different spaces in one's heart, each sacred in its own way.

Here's what we hope you'll take away from this experience for your future relationships: observe carefully how a potential partner treats not just you, but others in her life. Is she a giver or primarily a taker? Does she view relationships as zero-sum games where someone must lose for her to win? These early signs are crucial indicators of attitude – and as we say at GC, you date someone's interest level, but you marry their attitude.

Your commitment to caring for your mother while maintaining healthy boundaries is exemplary. Never let anyone shame you for being a good son. The right partner will see your devotion to family as evidence of your capacity for lasting love and commitment.

Before we conclude, we feel compelled to address your decision regarding divorce next Monday. While your frustration is understandable, consider this: Could this situation have been handled with more discretion? In matters involving money and family, perception often matters as much as intention. Your wife's reaction, though extreme, might stem from feeling like she plays second fiddle to your mother – a common insecurity in many marriages.

In dealing with such delicate situations, sometimes wisdom lies in managing perceptions. You don't necessarily need to disclose the exact amounts of angpow given to different family members. What matters is making your wife feel cherished and prioritized in your life. Every woman wants to feel like a princess in her marriage, not competing for her place in her husband's heart.

Her outburst, while inappropriate, might be a cry for reassurance rather than a true rejection of your filial piety. Before taking the irreversible step of divorce, perhaps consider if there's room for better communication and understanding on both sides. Can you maintain your devotion to your mother while being more sensitive to your wife's need to feel special?

Keep standing tall in your convictions, but remember that sometimes being a gentleman means finding diplomatic ways to honor all the important women in our lives.

With sincere appreciation and respect,

The Gentleman

P.S. Thank you for bringing this important issue to light. Your story will help many other men who face similar challenges.

READ: Why standing your ground is the mark of a true gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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The Mama’s Boy syndrome: A misunderstood honor

Is being a "mama's boy" truly a flaw, or is it a mark of a responsible man who honors his mother? We explore the misconceptions surrounding this label and the lessons men can learn in dating and marriage.

Cristiano Ronaldo and his mother, Dolores Aveiro.

Photo for illustration only. Photo credit: Getty

Hi GC,

I would like to raise this issue which actually is popular among guys but I am a bit surprised that no one has raised this to you guys. The mama's boy syndrome.

Why am i raising this? because I am a victim of it and I speak on many men out there who also face this issue.

They are becoming very rude and disrespectful to men.

The other day in my office, the young women were chit chatting about Cristiano Ronaldo who is very close to his mother, all the nasty words coming out from their mouths like "eeee mama's boy" "no wonder cannot get married", "pity his gf" "I will break if my bf is a momma's boy".

Hope to hear your advice on this.

Thanks.

Cris

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Mr. Cris,

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal story with GC. Your letter touched us deeply, as it highlights an unfortunate stigma that many honorable men face today.

Your commitment to caring for your mother while maintaining healthy boundaries is exemplary. Never let anyone shame you for being a good son. The right partner will see your devotion to family as evidence of your capacity for lasting love and commitment.

Keep standing tall in your convictions, but remember that sometimes being a gentleman means finding diplomatic ways to honor all the important women in our lives.

With sincere appreciation and respect,

The Gentleman

P.S. Thank you for bringing this important issue to light. Your story will help many other men who face similar challenges.

READ: Why standing your ground is the mark of a true gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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