10.12.2024

Why standing your ground is the mark of a true gentleman

A gentleman knows when to assert himself and call out unearned arrogance. Discover how to maintain self-respect, handle entitlement, and earn the respect you deserve by standing your ground with confidence and class.

Words: Tunku Sophia

French President Emmanuel Macron and Russia's President Vladimir Putin attend a joint news conference after a Normandy-format summit in Paris, France, December 9, 2019.

REUTERS/Charles Platiau/Pool.

Not long ago, I met a man who proudly claimed to have “royal lineage.”

He was undeniably polished, the kind of man who’d always had life served on a silver platter. His grandfather owns a fleet of luxury cars, his father a series of petrol stations —his world runs on inherited wealth and privilege.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone for being born into fortune. That’s life, and resentment is often just misplaced envy. But what he said next? That struck a nerve.

“I’m better than others because I’m descended from rulers.”

That was a step too far.

Sometimes, when someone’s ego runs unchecked, a reality check becomes necessary. So I asked him a simple question:

“How many of your ancestors died fighting the British, during the colonization period?”

He had no answer. Because the truth was painfully clear.

I explained to him that he wasn’t descended from rulers as he liked to think. His ancestors were not as illustrious men like YAM Tunku Ahmad Tunggal (Negeri Sembilan) or Tok Janggut (Kelantan) who led or fought for their people—instead, his ancestors were collaborators with British. Men who traded loyalty for pensions and subjugation, men who bowed when told to bow and jumped when ordered to jump.

“Let’s be honest,” I said. “You’re not descended from greatness. You’re descended from men who sold out their country for comfort.”

His demeanor shifted immediately. “You can’t say that,” he protested.

Oh, but I can.

Writer's imagination - the battle of Bukit Putus War between YAM Tunku (Prince) Ahmad Tunggal and Tunku Antah, to claim the throne of Negeri Sembilan. (25 November – 22 December 1875)

You see, my own ancestor has lost the claim to the throne despite winning the Battle of Bukit Putus war, and I’ve seen the cost of real sacrifice. I won’t indulge someone’s sense of superiority based on an empty lineage while real heroes—men of grit and honor—rest forgotten.

There’s a broader lesson here: if you let entitlement slide, it grows unchecked. If you tolerate arrogance, it breeds more of the same. At times, standing your ground is not an option; it’s a necessity.

This applies in everyday life as well. Take the time I worked with a colleague who had a habit of “fit-shaming” me. In front of others, he’d mock me for declining cake, saying, “Sophia won’t eat cake—she’s too disciplined.”

Letting those little jabs pass would’ve been easy. But when you ignore small digs, you teach people they can treat you lightly, like a punchline. So I fired back:

“Yeah, man, and you’ll have three pieces because you have no discipline.”

He didn’t like it. He complained, sure—but he learned that words have weight. If you want to dish it out, be ready to take it in return.

This is a truth every man needs to embrace: respect is earned, not given. If you let people walk over you, they’ll do it again. And again. Every group has that one guy—the easy target, the one who shrugs off every joke. But let me tell you something: they chose him because he allows it.

A gentleman isn’t a pushover. He doesn’t seek conflict, but he doesn’t shy away from it either. Being kind and courteous is essential, but there’s a line—and when someone crosses it, you draw them back. Firmly.

I’m not suggesting you be rude, aggressive, or impossible to deal with. That’s just poor character. But when someone mocks you, belittles you, or acts with unearned arrogance, you owe it to yourself to push back. To remind them that respect is a two-way street.

You don’t have to be liked by everyone. In fact, being a little harder to deal with works in your favor—it shows you have standards. People respect boundaries they can see.

At the heart of it all, confidence isn’t about being loud or combative. It’s about standing tall when you’re tested. It’s about knowing when to be gentle and when to hold your ground.

Because if you don’t show people where you stand, they’ll never take you seriously. And that, gentlemen, is no way to live.

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Why standing your ground is the mark of a true gentleman

A gentleman knows when to assert himself and call out unearned arrogance. Discover how to maintain self-respect, handle entitlement, and earn the respect you deserve by standing your ground with confidence and class.

Words: Tunku Sophia

French President Emmanuel Macron and Russia's President Vladimir Putin attend a joint news conference after a Normandy-format summit in Paris, France, December 9, 2019.

REUTERS/Charles Platiau/Pool.

Not long ago, I met a man who proudly claimed to have “royal lineage.”

He was undeniably polished, the kind of man who’d always had life served on a silver platter. His grandfather owns a fleet of luxury cars, his father a series of petrol stations —his world runs on inherited wealth and privilege.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone for being born into fortune. That’s life, and resentment is often just misplaced envy. But what he said next? That struck a nerve.

“I’m better than others because I’m descended from rulers.”

That was a step too far.

Sometimes, when someone’s ego runs unchecked, a reality check becomes necessary. So I asked him a simple question:

“How many of your ancestors died fighting the British, during the colonization period?”

He had no answer. Because the truth was painfully clear.

“Let’s be honest,” I said. “You’re not descended from greatness. You’re descended from men who sold out their country for comfort.”

His demeanor shifted immediately. “You can’t say that,” he protested.

Oh, but I can.

Writer's imagination - the battle of Bukit Putus War between YAM Tunku (Prince) Ahmad Tunggal and Tunku Antah, to claim the throne of Negeri Sembilan. (25 November – 22 December 1875)

You see, my own ancestor has lost the claim to the throne despite winning the Battle of Bukit Putus war, and I’ve seen the cost of real sacrifice. I won’t indulge someone’s sense of superiority based on an empty lineage while real heroes—men of grit and honor—rest forgotten.

There’s a broader lesson here: if you let entitlement slide, it grows unchecked. If you tolerate arrogance, it breeds more of the same. At times, standing your ground is not an option; it’s a necessity.

This applies in everyday life as well. Take the time I worked with a colleague who had a habit of “fit-shaming” me. In front of others, he’d mock me for declining cake, saying, “Sophia won’t eat cake—she’s too disciplined.”

Letting those little jabs pass would’ve been easy. But when you ignore small digs, you teach people they can treat you lightly, like a punchline. So I fired back:

“Yeah, man, and you’ll have three pieces because you have no discipline.”

He didn’t like it. He complained, sure—but he learned that words have weight. If you want to dish it out, be ready to take it in return.

This is a truth every man needs to embrace: respect is earned, not given. If you let people walk over you, they’ll do it again. And again. Every group has that one guy—the easy target, the one who shrugs off every joke. But let me tell you something: they chose him because he allows it.

A gentleman isn’t a pushover. He doesn’t seek conflict, but he doesn’t shy away from it either. Being kind and courteous is essential, but there’s a line—and when someone crosses it, you draw them back. Firmly.

I’m not suggesting you be rude, aggressive, or impossible to deal with. That’s just poor character. But when someone mocks you, belittles you, or acts with unearned arrogance, you owe it to yourself to push back. To remind them that respect is a two-way street.

You don’t have to be liked by everyone. In fact, being a little harder to deal with works in your favor—it shows you have standards. People respect boundaries they can see.

At the heart of it all, confidence isn’t about being loud or combative. It’s about standing tall when you’re tested. It’s about knowing when to be gentle and when to hold your ground.

Because if you don’t show people where you stand, they’ll never take you seriously. And that, gentlemen, is no way to live.

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