Should a man ever hit a lady? A reader’s perspective

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Letter from Mr. A.

Dear GC,

I wish to give my views regarding your recent feedback on "can a gentleman hit a woman" of which you have advocated as "No, a gentleman should never hit a woman".

I tend to agree with Sean Connery's view that a physical hit is necessary depending on the circumstances. 

Allow me to elaborate why I am saying this. 

I am an introvert person who prefers alone time and would spend most of time reading manga at home or watching anime on Netflix. I follow a lot of Japanese actors and actresses because I love their movies and culture so it is naturally normal for me to like their photos which did not sit well with my former wife which was the root cause to our divorcement. 

It may sound trivial at first but that was her trigger point.

After 6 months into our marriage, one unfortunate day, she discovered that I had liked many Japanese actresses and had commented on their Instagram / facebook page which for her is a sign of cheating. At this stage, I felt funny that she felt jealous so I explained to her that she should know of my admiration toward Japanese culture so liking a few Japanese celebrities (including actresses) is very normal. 

She started to question why can't I only like Japanese actors only? I told her the same thing that it is just nothing more than a "like".  At this stage I thought her asking as such was still fine albeit insecure. 

Then she started her accusation that I could be PM-ing Japanese girls because I graduated from Osaka University so I have many Japanese friends. Of course, I denied that accusation. She refused to believe me and demanded me to hand over my handphone for her to check. That was when I began to feel the heat inside of me. I told her no she can't check my phone. That aggravated her and she started her high pitch voice with a lot of foul language. She started yelling and cursing with foul words and continue to ask me for my phone which I told her I won't give it to her. 

I didn't want to show her not because there was anything going on but she could have asked nicely.

Then she started cursing me more and more with a lot of "fuck you" and I kept telling her, I have not done anything wrong. It's just a freaking like. She didn't want to budge from that accusation. She continued with her demands and then pointed me toward door and told me to get out the house if I don't give her my phone.

Gents, imagine that a wife accuses her husband and is now asking her husband to get out from his own house. Look at the level of disrespect they have to a man. Her foul language of "fuck you" could be constantly heard as she went on with her endless rant.

Where is the ladies' code? Do you guys think the older generation ladies would even say this to their own husband? A "fuck you" to your own husband? What is this? 

This is why sometimes I tend to agree with how women are being treated in Arab countries. Take example Saudi Arabia, the women are not allowed to talk to their man in this manner ever because it is against our religion. It's not just ladies code but our own religion.

When she told me to get out of his house, this had already triggered me.

Then she attempted to snatch the phone from me but due to my height, she couldn't. This was where I had enough of this nonsense and I pushed her down but she retaliated by pushing me back and stomping my feet, still trying hard to grab my phone. It was a terrible physical altercation. She kept shouting to me to get out from the house non-stop. I just had enough of this and gave her one big slap across the jawline and just stormed out of the house and slept in the car.

Next day, she went into more extreme where she bolted the main door shut with a lock which I do not have the key. I had no clothes; I had no shoes but just my stupid slippers. I had no toothbrush. Did she care? No, she did not.  

Not only she chased me out of my own house, she also locked the door shut with a new lock!  

That was the end game for me, I immediately went to Jabatan in my slippers without showering, to end the marriage right there.

Thinking of this again makes me shudder. It was a nightmare. Something I will always remember and this incident has made me never ever to remarry. I can understand if someone no longer wants to remarry, it is because of trauma. I am so happy with my life now being single. I feel light. I feel happy. I do not need the pressure anymore. I can go out with anyone without no concerns.

In this situation, do you still think about being a gentleman? I was accused for something I did not do, I was yelled with "fuck you" multiple times, I was stomped, I was pushed, I was chased out from the house and I was locked out from the house with no proper clothes and shower. All this over a stupid "like" over Japanese female celebrity photos.

So I ask you gents again, do we really want to think of being a gentleman at this stage? 

Should I have given her my handphone to check?

I think it would be mental if one still tries to be a gentleman when the woman is clearly being disrespectful. And it is my right to give or not to give my phone. She thinks I got something to hide, I don't. I just refuse to give my hp because she could have asked me as her husband in a respectful manner not accuse me of so many things and pushing and cursing me.

I am giving you what has happened in detail so you can understand the situation and re-assess whether one needs to apply the gentleman code in a situation such as this.

I await your reply.