0 Cart
0 Add all flipped products to cart Flipped
24.01.2025

Rising gender movements: A reader’s perspective on the 4B movement, gender equality, and the Gentleman’s Code

Explore a personal reflection on the impact of modern gender movements, such as the 4B Movement, and the challenges men face while adhering to the traditional gentleman's code. Understand the tension between respect for women and the evolving dynamics of gender equality.

Defying Patriarchy: South Korea’s 4B movement and women’s rejection of ‘Future-Maker’ role.

Photo illustration: Getty


Dear GC, 

I very much agree with gender equality that is getting more exposure. What is the reason? Blame on men stupidity. We give them too much face. 

No, I am not joking, this is something serious.  Sometimes too much of thinking to be a gentleman can have severe consequences. 

My concern - Why do we men have to adhere to the gentleman's code, but women don't have such a code?

I feel like the more we uphold the gentleman's code, the more women take advantage of it. The Gent GC says we should never hit a woman, regardless of any circumstances. I agree with him that we should never hit a woman, as long as they don't push us to the limit. But the irony is, the more we don’t hit, the more they provoke, insult, and threaten. In short, there’s no insurance for our words. 'What? You think I’m scared? Go ahead, hit me if you’re not afraid.' That’s what I got from my ex-wife. Imagine facing such an attack – would you still think of the gentleman's code?

I speak from experience, guys. People always judge me, asking why I’m still single at 37. Those who don’t know me wouldn’t understand that I got married at 29 and divorced at 31. I’ve had enough with marriage. What’s the reason? I married a controlling queen. Her voice was so loud, it was like I was deaf. Why did she act like that? Because she found someone else. I was good, loyal, always trying to impress her, and then one day, she changed her attitude. That attitude lasted for a year, and then I found out she was having an affair with a married man.

Then it became more complicated after that because his wife found out about the affair. She then started calling me and screaming at me for not controlling / stopping my wife from meddling into our people's marriage. It was a brutal nightmare for me. I couldn't take it anymore and I physically fought with my wife because she cheated on me.  How on earth can I still think of being a gentleman and not hit her when she freaking cheated? Sean Connery is spot on with his answer. It depends on the situation. GC may not agree with Sean Connery which I respect because that is GC's opinion. But if anyone went through my ordeal, I think you will forgo all that gentleman code. 

In modern times, we have more serious situation which is this gender equality that some Europe countries are embarking on. I disagree with this gender equality. The more we give in, the more disrespectful they will be. They are trying to be like men. They always think men is cheater so why can't I cheat too? They think today's men cannot be trusted. They always think men is unreliable, yet leveraged them for money. Hence, in my observation, women also know how to cheat and my case is the perfect example.

We have to have a limit as to how far can we give in as a gentleman. There should be a body that protects men like how there are many movements to protect ladies.

Please look up on 4B movement which is another new female movement to protest the patriarchal system. This movement came from South Korea and had been re-enforced after Trump won the election. It is a movement that calls for no dates, no marrying men etc. 

We have #MeToo movement which gives women the right to voice out sexual harassment with zero evidence and now we have 4B movement which is a party that is against marrying men, going out on dates etc. Can you imagine a movement that is against marrying men? 

If you don't trust me, please read this : https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/no-sex-no-dating-no-marriage-no-children-interest-grows-in-4b-movement-to-swear-off-men

Ask yourself this, why we men need to adhere to gentleman code but there is no such thing as ladies code? Ladies have no ladies code and still, they are establishing so many entities / movements to bring down men.  We are the ones that should have some movements not them because it seems like our rights are being ripped apart piece by piece. Question now is, what is next after 4B?

I hope you do read what I have said above. I don't usually open up but reading "Ask the Gent" section on GC makes me want to confess whatever that is inside of me. A man's deepest darkest problem.

Thank you so much for reading.

Salam, 

N

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Mr. N,

First and foremost, thank you for your heartfelt letter. Your words reflect the frustrations of many men who feel that the traditional codes of masculinity—particularly those of honor and gentlemanly conduct—are increasingly becoming one-sided burdens. Your honesty is both rare and appreciated, and we owe you an equally honest and thoughtful response.

You ask a fundamental question: Why should men still uphold the gentleman’s code when it feels like there is no corresponding "ladies’ code" in today’s world? And why should we continue to exercise restraint when it seems like the more we give, the more is taken?

Let us begin with this—chivalry, at its core, was never meant to be a self-sacrificial burden. It was a standard, a code of conduct that governed interactions between gentlemen and ladies, emphasizing mutual respect and dignity. In the age of European knights and noble courts, a woman who wished to be treated with honor also upheld a certain decorum. The gentleman and the lady were bound by a mutual contract, an unspoken understanding of roles that balanced power with grace.

But over the years, a tectonic shift happen. The world has changed. Society has changed. Women have fought for independence and autonomy, and they have earned the right to chart their own course. We do not deny them that. However, when one side abandons the traditional expectations of conduct, the balance is lost. And in this imbalance, many men find themselves questioning—what is left for us?

Yet, we would argue that being a gentleman is not about seeking a fair return from others. It is about choosing to be a man of stature, regardless of the actions of those around us. It is about masculine strength—not brute force, but the discipline to walk away from situations that threaten our dignity. You have experienced betrayal and pain, and in your darkest moments, you questioned whether the principles of honor were worth holding onto. That is understandable. But consider this: Who would you be if you abandoned the code of gentlemen entirely? Would you not become the very thing you despise?

The emerging social movements you mentioned—4B, #MeToo—are complex responses to systemic inequalities. While their methods may seem confrontational, they emerge from genuine experiences of marginalization. In light of the 4B movement and gender equality, we should approach these global issues the same way President Kennedy engaged with Soviet Union leader Nikita Khrushchev during the Cuban Missile Crisis to prevent a global nuclear catastrophe—through empathy, by putting ourselves in their shoes, and respecting fundamental interests from both genders.

Thank you for sharing your story, N. Your voice matters, and your honesty will resonate with many of our readers.

 

With sincere appreciation and respect,

The Gentleman

READ: Why modern chivalry is dead

READ: Men have foolishly ignored the warning in The Book Of Genesis


Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Related posts