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How women should reciprocate our chivalry and the rise of feminism

Reader frustrated by modern dating, seeks balance in relationship.

Picture: Boggi Milano

The writer, a 45-year-old bachelor, feels that feminism has made relationships more complex for men. He believes women have become more independent and demanding, while men are still expected to be chivalrous.


Question from Mr. C (real name is undisclosed):

Good afternoon GC editorial,
I skimmed through your article on how to treat a woman but is there anything on how a woman should treat a man? I feel that many men are experiencing complexity to handle a woman because of FEMINISM. I am a 45 year old bachelor who have had to endure many toxic relationships and I now have found greatness in singlehood after seeing my surrounding male friends ending their marriages. Gone are the days of a lady, replaced with a new bunch of women who seek to out earn men, out power men, better educated than men, so they don't need anything in a man with a completely unrealistic expectations of what a man must provide. If they can't get their prince charming that can cave into their demands, they would continue being single or exit the relationship. This is feminism.  

Feminism is about women having it all. It makes them feel empowered in their single life. Why are there more men / women single today than there were before ?  Again, Feminism. Women have ridiculous expectations that make us men feel useless. Question is, how should we men perceive this? Is being single the new future now? Is marriage a thing of the past? Should we be worry if we don't get a woman? I was this close to getting married to a girl at the age of 35 thinking she would understand me but she never did. She had her own unreal expectations. I have realistic expectations, if I feel her expectations are worth as $hit, I am throwing the towel. I will not sacrifice my life just to cave into a chick's demand when she herself wouldn't even bother to sacrifice for me. We have to draw a line between stupidity and chivalry. If they treat me like trash, I will treat them like trash. We have to show them that we are not stupid and we don't simply bow to their demands. It needs to be mutual. Just because they are women and we are bound by the code of conduct, we need to bow to all their needs. I do not agree with that. It makes us look like we are being used. These things has to reciprocate not just a one way.

As I said, women have changed. Must we adapt and cater to this evolution? Or should women realize their roots and go back to their old principles?  It seems that we men have to continue to hold the chivalry code (protect, honor, courage), but not the women whose ways of being a lady today are long gone. 

There should be a write up on how women should reciprocate our chivalry. How to refrain them from going on a tirade for our kindness? If our chivalry is never enough for them then I expect the same from them. Simple as that. Key word is Respect. 

If they continue to embrace feminism, then there would be an end between men and women otherwise they would continue to see men as a competitor than a life partner. I am 45 and at this point in my life, I just don't see the need to have a woman. I have my close friends, families who can still look out for me.

My points above is solely for your consideration /.awareness and hope these points can be fruitful to your site in educating men of the future. Thanks.

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hey there, Mr. C!

Thanks for your email – sounds like you've had a rough go in the dating world. First off, let me assure you, you're definitely not alone. Finding a great partner can be tough, no matter your gender!

Now, about that "feminism is the enemy" thing? We hear you, but let's unpack it a bit. Feminism isn't about women turning into some kind of anti-man species. It's about equality, you know, the whole "mutual respect" thing you mentioned.

Here's the good news: Strong, independent women are awesome! They bring a whole lot to the table – intelligence, ambition, the ability to, you know, change a tire (just sayin'). And guess what? Strong men, like Prince Mateen, are pretty awesome too!

The key is finding someone who complements you, not competes with you. Someone who respects your hustle and you respect theirs. And inevitably, this require a lot of dating game. That "chivalry code" you mentioned? It's not about bowing down, it's about basic courtesy and kindness – stuff that goes both ways.

As for needing a whole new article for women on "how to treat a man?" Let's just say good manners are kinda universal. Respect, communication, and not treating someone "like trash" are pretty solid life principles, regardless of gender.

Now, about being single at 45. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Tons of guys (and girls) find fulfillment and happiness outside of marriage. But if you do want a partner, don't give up on the idea of a great relationship just because of a few bad experiences. Keep on persevere and one day, we hope you will find your lady.

Here's a thought: How about we ditch the outdated ideas of what men and women "should" be, and focus on finding someone who appreciates you for who you are?

We might even write an article about that – "The Gentleman's Guide to Finding Your Perfect Player (Because It's a Team Sport, Folks!)."

In the meantime, keep your chin up, and maybe check out some of our articles on communication and healthy relationships. They might just surprise you.

What To Look for in a Partner – The 3 C’s

The Gentleman and the Femme Fatale: A Dance of Grace and Caution



The Gentleman

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