12.04.2024

Why Trying Too Hard on Social Media Can Kill Your Elegance

When you are trying too hard, you kill something excellent that is part of yourself.

By Raja Izz

"One must avoid affectation and practice in all things a certain sprezzatura, disdain or carelessness, so as to conceal art, and make whatever is done or said appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it ...obvious effort is the antithesis of grace (elegance)" - Baldassare Castiglione, The Book of the Courtier

Castiglione's work about how to be elegant was "trending" immensely in the 16th century. The people at the royal court where the "celebrity" of their time and everybody else wanted to get to those prominent positions.

As today, that social climber entailed a great amount of deception and illusion. This theatricality and deception were a careful and deliberate creation, really as close as can be to what Instagram or Linkedin is today.

You only show the most beautiful, make it look natural and never ever let them see the amount of effort, work & practice it actually takes... a complete facade.

At this point of the article you might start asking yourself what is trying too hard has to do with your social media presence, and rightly so.

I want you to come back to the original quote of Castiglione:

"(to) make whatever is done...to appear without effort"

In the age of curated feeds and meticulously crafted online personas, the pressure to appear perfect on social media is real. We meticulously plan our outfits, agonize over photo angles, and craft philosophical captions – all in the pursuit of projecting the illusion of a flawless life.

But here's the truth: trying too hard on social media can be the ultimate elegance killer.

Elegance is Not About Perfection

True elegance, according to GC Co-Founder Bon Zainal, resides in a quiet confidence, a sense of authenticity that shines through effortlessly. It's about owning your mistakes, embracing imperfections, and letting your genuine self take center stage (after enduring life tribulations and hardships). When you try too hard to curate a perfect social media image, you create a disconnect between your real self and the online persona you've constructed. This inauthenticity can be off-putting, creating the impression of someone that is hypocrite and desperate for validation.

The Oversharing Trap:

The constant need to document every meal, every outfit, every fleeting moment can be exhausting and ultimately, uninteresting. It dilutes the impact of truly special moments and creates a sense of information overload for your audience. Elegance thrives on mystery, on leaving something to the imagination.

The Algorithmic Abyss:

Social media algorithms prioritize engagement. The more likes, comments, and shares you get, the more your content gets seen. This can create a vicious cycle of chasing trends and posting content solely to please the algorithm, rather than staying true to your own principle. Elegance is about intentionality, about crafting a message that resonates with you, not about blindly following trends in the hope of going viral.

Cultivating Effortless Appeal:

So how do you cultivate an elegant social media presence? Here are some tips:

Be Authentic: Let your genuine personality shine through. Don't be afraid to show your sense of humor, your passions, and even your vulnerabilities. People connect with realness, not forced perfection.
Embrace the Power of Less: Sometimes, the most elegant posts are the simplest ones. A thoughtful quote, a beautiful landscape, or a moment of quiet reflection can be more impactful than a heavily filtered selfie.
Take a Break: The constant pressure of maintaining a perfect online image can be draining. Take breaks from social media to recharge, reconnect with the real world, and find inspiration offline.

As we described in the GC Men of the Year section, elegance is beyond style, good look, or even fashion. So stop trying too hard on Instagram or Linkedin, embrace your imperfections, and prioritize authenticity. The effortless appeal you exude will be far more captivating than any carefully curated online persona.

Finally, there is one last interpretation of sprezzatura, which I would like share before you leave here:

"that when something is slightly off-centre or imperfect, that very flaw or asymmetry is actually the exact thing that makes it all perfect."

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