25.04.2026

The man who could afford not to

In a world of performance wealth and social comparison, the most quietly powerful choice a gentleman can make is the one no one sees.

Photo credit: Tom Claeren.

Words: Byron Tully

Pardon my absence. Personal obligations have been at the forefront lately. Nothing bad, just time-consuming. I’m happy to be back, so let’s dive in…

There are plenty of obstacles on the road to financial independence: a soft job market, nagging inflation, student loan debt, and, let’s face it, an endless stream of tempting consumer goodies.

Any of these can make saving, investing, and meeting your financial goals difficult, if not impossible.

The last thing you need to strap on is the feeling of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, an expression possibly referring to the family of novelist and force of nature Edith Wharton, an original Old Money Gal if there ever was one.

We Americans are a competitive bunch. That’s often a good thing, but when it comes to buying a new car we really don’t need or can’t afford just because the neighbor next door or the coworker in the next office has one, well, then it’s just downright destructive.

GC illustration.

We don’t do ourselves any favors when we feel compelled to buy something that we really don’t want, can’t afford, and will feel uneasy about owning, just because ‘other people’ own it.

It may help us to remember that we never really know what’s going on in another person’s life (excluding spouses, children, or parents, for the most part). Since we don’t know that, we can’t compare our situation with theirs. We can’t really know how much money they have in the bank, what their motivations are for having that new car–or whatever it might be that we’re jealous of–and so the ‘competition’ that we’ve created in our minds is a false one.

We have to take a deep breath and circle back to an Old Money fundamental: that is, to be inner directed, not influenced by the actions of others when it comes to material possessions and spending. There will always be someone with more stuff. We have to stay true to our school, true to the savings and investment goals we’ve set for ourselves. True to Old Money Core Values.

What someone else wears, drives, or posts on social media means nothing. Plenty of people are rich, of course, and have no hesitation about showing it. But remember: plenty of people pretend to be rich, and have no hesitation about perpetuating that illusion. They may even dare you to try to keep up with them.

Don’t get pulled into that vortex. Stay with me. Stay with us. Stay with the OMG’s who live modestly and enjoy a high quality of life as opposed to a conspicuous standard of living.

I often recall a conversation with a mentor. I knew he had been successful in business, but he continued to drive an aging Jeep Wagoneer (yes, it was awhile ago). I asked him why he didn’t upgrade to a Mercedes or BMW. I mentioned that I thought he could afford to.

He smiled at my sarcasm, then replied, “Oh, I can afford to, alright. I can also afford not to.”

I thought about the comment for a long while afterwards. He had, I realized, a surplus of quiet confidence. Subsequently, he didn’t need an ounce of external approval.

Let’s keep that in mind when we are tempted to keep up with the Joneses.

Contributor

Byron Tully (right)

Grandson of a newspaper publisher and son of an oil industry executive, Byron Tully is an author who also writes for the entertainment industry. His nonfiction debut, "The Old Money Book," was published in April of 2013 to excellent reviews and enjoys consistently strong sales worldwide. His other works include "The Old Money Guide To Marriage", "Old Money, New Woman: How To Manage Your Money and Your Life", and "Old Money Style - The Gentleman's Edition".

Byron regularly contributes to its blog, www.theoldmoneybook.com, which has been visited by over 1 million readers since 2014.

In February of 2020, "Old Money Style - The Gentleman's Edition" was published by Acorn Street Press. This fourth book in the Old Money series reveals the fundamentals of dressing well in a classic and timeless style. In November of 2020, Byron published a 2nd Edition of "The Old Money Book", which expands on his original classic. This 2nd Edition includes vital information and insights for readers as they navigate a very different, post-pandemic world.

Byron speaks frequently about the culture and values of Old Money. He has been interviewed by KABC New York's Financial Quarterback Show, The Huffington Post, and The Simple Dollar, among others.

He lives in Paris and is happily married to an Old Money Gal from Boston.

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The man who could afford not to

In a world of performance wealth and social comparison, the most quietly powerful choice a gentleman can make is the one no one sees.

Photo credit: Tom Claeren.

Words: Byron Tully

Pardon my absence. Personal obligations have been at the forefront lately. Nothing bad, just time-consuming. I’m happy to be back, so let’s dive in…

There are plenty of obstacles on the road to financial independence: a soft job market, nagging inflation, student loan debt, and, let’s face it, an endless stream of tempting consumer goodies.

Any of these can make saving, investing, and meeting your financial goals difficult, if not impossible.

The last thing you need to strap on is the feeling of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, an expression possibly referring to the family of novelist and force of nature Edith Wharton, an original Old Money Gal if there ever was one.

We Americans are a competitive bunch. That’s often a good thing, but when it comes to buying a new car we really don’t need or can’t afford just because the neighbor next door or the coworker in the next office has one, well, then it’s just downright destructive.

GC illustration.

We don’t do ourselves any favors when we feel compelled to buy something that we really don’t want, can’t afford, and will feel uneasy about owning, just because ‘other people’ own it.

Don’t get pulled into that vortex. Stay with me. Stay with us. Stay with the OMG’s who live modestly and enjoy a high quality of life as opposed to a conspicuous standard of living.

I often recall a conversation with a mentor. I knew he had been successful in business, but he continued to drive an aging Jeep Wagoneer (yes, it was awhile ago). I asked him why he didn’t upgrade to a Mercedes or BMW. I mentioned that I thought he could afford to.

He smiled at my sarcasm, then replied, “Oh, I can afford to, alright. I can also afford not to.”

I thought about the comment for a long while afterwards. He had, I realized, a surplus of quiet confidence. Subsequently, he didn’t need an ounce of external approval.

Let’s keep that in mind when we are tempted to keep up with the Joneses.

Contributor

Byron Tully (right)

Byron regularly contributes to its blog, www.theoldmoneybook.com, which has been visited by over 1 million readers since 2014.

Byron speaks frequently about the culture and values of Old Money. He has been interviewed by KABC New York's Financial Quarterback Show, The Huffington Post, and The Simple Dollar, among others.

He lives in Paris and is happily married to an Old Money Gal from Boston.

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