Erectile Dysfunction: A cautionary tale about marrying late and the risks of relying on viagra

A true story of a reader's struggle with erectile dysfunction, the consequences of late marriage, and the risks of using Viagra. Discover his advice for men on avoiding drugs, marrying early, and preparing for relationship challenges.

Picture for illustration only | Photo from Getty

Question from Mr. J:

Dear GC,

Wish to share a true story which happened to me a year ago. Something which I have regretted ever since but this is something that you can never get back as a man - Erectile Dysfunction. Just to clear the air here, My name is J, I am a Malay man, working as an engineer. Back to my ED story, I was married at the age of 39 and got dumped by my ex wife at age 41 because of ED. Went for diagnosis and the doctor officially said I have impotence due to age. I have always feared this would happen to me when I reached 35 and my fear became my reality. My doctor prescribed me viagra to get the blood flowing into my penis. Viagra acts fast so within 45 minutes, I was able to get my little brother hardened and unfortunately the erection did not stop. I had to face the biggest embarrassment of my life going into the ER with a long dick that just wouldn't shrink. To salt the wound, my then-wife filed for divorce when I was in the hospital as my dick needed surgery to stop the erection. Apparently my body is not compatible with viagra. Imagine that I was in the hospital ward on the phone with my freaking wife who has filed for divorce because I got erectile dysfunction. I told her I am taking meds for it, she says that was not natural any more. To her, I am useless as a man because I can no longer erect without the help of a drug. After a week at the hospital, I was discharged with permanent damage from the cause of viagra - I can no longer erect and a pending divorce settlement. My wife did not come and visit me at the hospital, she only called me to tell me she was divorcing me. Nothing about how I was doing or whether I was in pain and needed help. I got myself admitted and I got myself discharged with no help from her. She was someone I knew as a friend for 10 years. We studied our degree together in Europe. I was in mechanical engineering and she was doing international relations. We dated, we studied together we hung out over coffee. She loves coffee so did I. You would never expect this behavior coming from an international relations graduate from Ireland right? We did have our issues at home which seemed normal for a husband and wife but I didn't think she would take those issues to heart. I guess she was just accumulating all the sad events happening to her and then my impotence was just the final nail in the coffin. I was under so much pressure, I even called for help to get some kind of counselling because I wanted to end my life. Marriage can either turn into happiness or a complete nightmare. Unfortunately mine was the latter. Moral of the story is:

(a) You will never know someone until you are married to the person,

(b) As a man, please marry early. Don't wait too long. You do not want to experience impotence,

(c) Don't believe in drugs. If you think impotence can be cured, it's a 50-50 chance with drugs. Don't risk it. Marry early while your sex drive is on the high end of the spectrum, and

(d) Always be ready that your marriage could end so if it does, you are mentally prepared.

You will never know what the other person thinks. All of a sudden, you get a call saying your spouse is divorcing you. What you can do from your side is to keep spreading the awareness about erectile dysfunction and the high risk of marrying late. People seem to be concerned about women marrying late, but it's the same for men. Trust me, you do NOT want to experience what I have. I am currently single (I am happy about it) and have no desire to marry after this nightmare.

Sharing this unfortunate true story to all of you.