The role of tradition: Old Money values that still define a cultured life

Jean-Christophe Napoleon Bonaparte and Countess Olympia von und zu Arco-Zinnerberg

Getty Images

For example, let’s take the tradition of marriage. Some people might consider the institution outdated and obsolete, an oppressive relic of past patriarchy. It could be argued that women are more financially independent today, working outside the home more often than at any point in time in history. They don’t need a man to ‘protect’ them.

Lots of people just live together with formal or informal agreements between the two parties. And with divorce so common, why bother with a wedding at all?

As far as children go, plenty of women raise children as single parents today. There’s no stigma to it. Employers are flexible and understanding.

Why not just ‘go with the flow’? Why, indeed.

The simplest answer is this: traditions have endured because they serve a purpose. They provide something of value to an individual and/or a society. Often, this value comes in the form of structure: a predictable and stable framework within which we can more productively enjoy our lives, take care of our loved ones, and accomplish our goals.

Regarding the tradition of marriage, we can point to the origins of the institution: as a safe way for families to preserve and transfer wealth. Brides sometimes came with a dowry. The prospects or position of the groom were a substantial consideration. A ‘good match’ was a priority for both families.  Love was, let’s face it, an afterthought.

And while I am just as much of a romantic as the next person, I am also a realist: having common values and goals is just as important as passion when it comes to the enduring success of a marriage.

My point, however, is that marriage–like other traditions–is there for a reason. An easy exercise is to look at what happens when the tradition is not given proper consideration or abandoned altogether.

Look at societies or socioeconomic groups who don’t prioritize marriage. Less wealth is created and preserved. Less of it is passed on to the next generation. Speaking of the next generation, of course more children will be born out of wedlock. I care less about how this looks (I don’t live in some modern version of Downton Abbey.) I care more about the realities that follow.

Women are more likely to become the single, primary care-giving parent. The odds of unmarried mothers falling into poverty are substantial. Men are more likely to stagnate and struggle financially (think child support). Any wealth that was being built together is now divided by at least two, frequently dissipated, and often destroyed (think legal fees).

Princess Rajwa, with her husband Crown Prince Hussein of Jordan.

Handout/Getty Images

So, at a very basic level, one could advocate for marriage simply on the basis of security. Not just for women, but for men, too. The reality is that having someone in your life that you can rely on and build a life with is a great comfort and a great asset. It makes sense in a world that is always unpredictable and often harsh.

So the institution remains. The tradition–of dating, getting to know a person, meeting their family, taking it slow, becoming ‘exclusive’, talking about the future, getting engaged, getting married, and then and only then having children–remains.

We call it ‘marriage’, but the tradition of marriage often implies all of the steps that I’ve just listed above.

The benefits that we personally experience, and that society enjoys, from a tradition outweigh the drawbacks. If they did not, the tradition would cease to exist. In the case of marriage, I’d argue that two-person households are more likely to create and preserve wealth at a higher level than single-person households. I think that children fare better in a two-parent household. One reason? When a child gets rowdy, the math of having two adults to gang up on one child and reinforce discipline is invaluable.

That child also sees how a marriage works, firsthand.

Another aspect of tradition is not just what we get out of it, but what it requires from us. Inevitably, traditions demand time, attention, and resources to honor. You must consider. You must discuss. You must prepare. You must be patient. You must take steps.

By definition, traditions are not spontaneous, will-nilly affairs that somebody just come up with last Tuesday after three glasses of wine. They’re well thought out. They involve others. They’ve been established long ago. Therefore, you have to reflect on the past. You have to get other people to participate and approve. You have to compromise. Put some things on hold. Sacrifice your personal preferences a little or a lot.

You have to get with the program, as they say, and honor the tradition. This shifts your perspective. It requires you to become a part of something larger than yourself–joining the military, being initiated into a college sorority, or, yes, becoming one half of a married couple–with an expanded circle of friends, an extended family, new responsibilities, and new opportunities.

In summary, our job–yes, I’m now including you–is to identify, preserve, and promote traditions that serve us well. We also need to communicate the reason behind the tradition to others.

This education is critical: we don’t want someone to ignore the tradition, miss the benefit, then only after suffering the consequences, realize the reason for the tradition.

The Old Money traditions that have served many of us so well for so long can be found in The Old Money Book.

So, if you’re new here, get your copy today. Read it and benefit from it. Join us. Enjoy the good things that come from this way of life.

And know that we’ve been welcoming newbies here for more than 10 years. We share what we can, what we know, and what we think will help.

It’s just who we are. It’s just what we do.

It’s a tradition.

About Byron Tully (right)

Grandson of a newspaper publisher and son of an oil industry executive, Byron Tully is an author who also writes for the entertainment industry. His nonfiction debut, "The Old Money Book," was published in April of 2013 to excellent reviews and enjoys consistently strong sales worldwide. His other works include "The Old Money Guide To Marriage", "Old Money, New Woman: How To Manage Your Money and Your Life", and "Old Money Style - The Gentleman's Edition".

Byron regularly contributes to its blog, www.theoldmoneybook.com, which has been visited by over 1 million readers since 2014.

In February of 2020, "Old Money Style - The Gentleman's Edition" was published by Acorn Street Press. This fourth book in the Old Money series reveals the fundamentals of dressing well in a classic and timeless style. In November of 2020, Byron published a 2nd Edition of "The Old Money Book", which expands on his original classic. This 2nd Edition includes vital information and insights for readers as they navigate a very different, post-pandemic world.

Byron speaks frequently about the culture and values of Old Money. He has been interviewed by KABC New York's Financial Quarterback Show, The Huffington Post, and The Simple Dollar, among others.

He lives in Paris and is happily married to an Old Money Gal from Boston.