02.03.2025

Opinion: Why being a gentleman is a Western concept—or is it?

Explore the relevance of chivalry in modern relationships. As gender equality rises, how can men uphold timeless masculine virtues while adapting to evolving social dynamics? This thought-provoking article discusses the balance between traditional chivalry and contemporary values.

Words: Raja Izz

Photo: Anchalee Bloxham and Bodintorn Juangroongruangkit

Photo credit: Chic Planner

When someone mentions a "gentleman," what image springs to mind? Perhaps it's a blue-blood British chap in a tailored suit, opening doors with a slight bow and a "After you, madam." Or maybe the British educated Prince Mateen, galloping at the polo field—while maintaining perfect composure in the face of danger.

For many, especially in Malaysia, there's a lingering perception that being a gentleman is somehow a purely Western import—a colonial leftover that contradicts Eastern and Islamic values. But is that actually true? Or have we been misunderstanding what being a gentleman truly means?

Sir Winston Churchill. Churchill was born in Oxfordshire into the wealthy, aristocratic Spencer family.

Photo: Getty Images

The Western Gentleman: More Than Suits and Manners

The Western concept of a gentleman evolved from medieval chivalry through Victorian propriety to the modern idea of a man who combines courtesy, integrity, and respect for others. Yes, there are the surface-level trappings—holding doors, standing when a woman enters the room, knowing which fork to use at dinner. But at its core, being a gentleman has always been about something deeper: character.

As the writer Samuel Smiles noted in his 1859 book "Self-Help": "The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill... whose self-control is equal to all emergencies." Notice how he doesn't mention tailored suits or pocket squares?

Prince Mateen (l), Napoleon Bonaparte (r)

Photo: GQ Thailand, Columbia Pictures

The Malaysian Perspective: Cultural Confusion

"My father told me being a gentleman was barat (Western)," shares Arif Zain, a 35-year-old engineer from Selangor. "He said it wasn't compatible with our values as Muslims and Malaysians."

This sentiment isn't uncommon. There's a fear that embracing "gentlemanly" behavior somehow dilutes cultural identity or religious values. Some worry it's another form of Western cultural imperialism, repackaged in a tuxedo and bow-tie.

U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio (seated, second from left) meets with Saudi Foreign Minister Prince Faisal bin Farhan Al Saud (seated, back left), Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov (seated, farthest right), and other officials to discuss the Russia-Ukraine war, seen at Riyadh’s Diriyah Palace in Saudi Arabia on Feb. 18.

Evelyn Hockstein/AFP via Getty Images

But here's where things get interesting.

The Islamic Gentleman: 1,400 Years of Adab

Long before the English word "gentleman" existed, Islamic tradition had already established a comprehensive code of male conduct called "adab"—encompassing ethics, manners, and moral behavior.

The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. himself exemplified traits we'd recognize in any definition of a gentleman: he was known for his honesty (Al-Amin, "the trustworthy"), his respectful treatment of women, his generosity to those in need, and his impeccable manners in all situations.

As the hadith states: "The best of you are those who are best to their wives." If that's not chivalrous behavior, what is?

YAM Tengku Hassanal Ibrahim Alam Shah

Photo: House of Pahang

Malaysian Cultural Values: Aligned, Not Opposed

Traditional Malaysian values also emphasize many qualities we associate with being a gentleman: respect for elders (hormat), maintaining dignity and composure (maruah), generosity (murah hati), and prioritizing community over self-interest (gotong-royong).

"When I really think about it," reflects Amir Benzaki, a suitmaker and realtor, "our cultural traditions actually demand more gentlemanly behavior than Western ones, not less. We just use different terminology."

Their Royal Highnesses Prince Abdul Mateen of Brunei and his elder sisters, Princess Azemah Nimatul Bolkiah and Princess Fadzilah Lubabul Bolkiah, with their mother Hajah Miriam Abdul Aziz attended the wedding celebration of his close friends, Danial Deen Isa-Kalebic (standing) and a Thai-born Janetira Attaskulchai at Four Season Hotel in Bangkok, Kingdom of Thailand.

Photo: Royal World Thailand

The Universal Gentleman: Beyond Cultural Boundaries

Perhaps the truth is that being a gentleman isn't Western or Eastern at all—it's human. The specific expressions might vary (a Malaysian gentleman might prioritize removing shoes before entering a home, while his British counterpart focuses on the perfect Windsor knot), but the underlying principles are remarkably consistent across cultures:

Treat others with respect and dignity
Control your emotions, especially anger
Be generous and help those in need
Live with integrity and honor your word
Respect women as equals, not as objects
Present yourself with dignity and self-respect

Finding the Malaysian Gentleman

So where does this leave the modern Malaysian man? Perhaps in an ideal position to define a new, culturally authentic model of gentlemanly behavior.

"I don't see any contradiction between being Malay, Muslim, and a gentleman," says Faeez, a 40-year-old pilot. "I believe respecting women, controlling my temper, and treating everyone with dignity actually makes me a better Muslim, not a worse one."

The truth is that being a gentleman isn't about importing foreign values—it's about expressing universal human virtues in culturally appropriate ways. The Malaysian gentleman might wear a batik shirt instead of a three-piece suit, but his character, integrity, and treatment of others transcend his wardrobe choices.

So is being a gentleman a Western concept? Only if we're looking at the wrapping paper rather than what's inside the package. The true essence of a gentleman—integrity, respect, self-control, and kindness—belongs to no single culture. And that's something we can all tip our songkok to.

About the Author

Raja Izz

Co-Founder of GC, Raja has over 7 years of journalism experience covering culture, menswear, chivalry, and travel. He has MBA in International Business, strategy certifications from Harvard Business School, with over 17 years of corporate experience, spanning from FORTUNE 500 company, to Malaysia's august investment, banking, and oil & gas institutions.

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Opinion: Why being a gentleman is a Western concept—or is it?

Explore the relevance of chivalry in modern relationships. As gender equality rises, how can men uphold timeless masculine virtues while adapting to evolving social dynamics? This thought-provoking article discusses the balance between traditional chivalry and contemporary values.

Words: Raja Izz

For many, especially in Malaysia, there's a lingering perception that being a gentleman is somehow a purely Western import—a colonial leftover that contradicts Eastern and Islamic values. But is that actually true? Or have we been misunderstanding what being a gentleman truly means?

Sir Winston Churchill. Churchill was born in Oxfordshire into the wealthy, aristocratic Spencer family.

The Western Gentleman: More Than Suits and Manners

As the writer Samuel Smiles noted in his 1859 book "Self-Help": "The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill... whose self-control is equal to all emergencies." Notice how he doesn't mention tailored suits or pocket squares?

Prince Mateen (l), Napoleon Bonaparte (r)

The Malaysian Perspective: Cultural Confusion

"My father told me being a gentleman was barat (Western)," shares Arif Zain, a 35-year-old engineer from Selangor. "He said it wasn't compatible with our values as Muslims and Malaysians."

This sentiment isn't uncommon. There's a fear that embracing "gentlemanly" behavior somehow dilutes cultural identity or religious values. Some worry it's another form of Western cultural imperialism, repackaged in a tuxedo and bow-tie.

But here's where things get interesting.

The Islamic Gentleman: 1,400 Years of Adab

Long before the English word "gentleman" existed, Islamic tradition had already established a comprehensive code of male conduct called "adab"—encompassing ethics, manners, and moral behavior.

The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. himself exemplified traits we'd recognize in any definition of a gentleman: he was known for his honesty (Al-Amin, "the trustworthy"), his respectful treatment of women, his generosity to those in need, and his impeccable manners in all situations.

As the hadith states: "The best of you are those who are best to their wives." If that's not chivalrous behavior, what is?

YAM Tengku Hassanal Ibrahim Alam Shah

Malaysian Cultural Values: Aligned, Not Opposed

Traditional Malaysian values also emphasize many qualities we associate with being a gentleman: respect for elders (hormat), maintaining dignity and composure (maruah), generosity (murah hati), and prioritizing community over self-interest (gotong-royong).

"When I really think about it," reflects Amir Benzaki, a suitmaker and realtor, "our cultural traditions actually demand more gentlemanly behavior than Western ones, not less. We just use different terminology."

The Universal Gentleman: Beyond Cultural Boundaries

Finding the Malaysian Gentleman

So where does this leave the modern Malaysian man? Perhaps in an ideal position to define a new, culturally authentic model of gentlemanly behavior.

"I don't see any contradiction between being Malay, Muslim, and a gentleman," says Faeez, a 40-year-old pilot. "I believe respecting women, controlling my temper, and treating everyone with dignity actually makes me a better Muslim, not a worse one."

So is being a gentleman a Western concept? Only if we're looking at the wrapping paper rather than what's inside the package. The true essence of a gentleman—integrity, respect, self-control, and kindness—belongs to no single culture. And that's something we can all tip our songkok to.

About the Author

Raja Izz

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Opinion: Why being a gentleman is a Western concept—or is it?

Explore the relevance of chivalry in modern relationships. As gender equality rises, how can men uphold timeless masculine virtues while adapting to evolving social dynamics? This thought-provoking article discusses the balance between traditional chivalry and contemporary values.

Words: Raja Izz

For many, especially in Malaysia, there's a lingering perception that being a gentleman is somehow a purely Western import—a colonial leftover that contradicts Eastern and Islamic values. But is that actually true? Or have we been misunderstanding what being a gentleman truly means?

Sir Winston Churchill. Churchill was born in Oxfordshire into the wealthy, aristocratic Spencer family.

The Western Gentleman: More Than Suits and Manners

As the writer Samuel Smiles noted in his 1859 book "Self-Help": "The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill... whose self-control is equal to all emergencies." Notice how he doesn't mention tailored suits or pocket squares?

Prince Mateen (l), Napoleon Bonaparte (r)

The Malaysian Perspective: Cultural Confusion

"My father told me being a gentleman was barat (Western)," shares Arif Zain, a 35-year-old engineer from Selangor. "He said it wasn't compatible with our values as Muslims and Malaysians."

This sentiment isn't uncommon. There's a fear that embracing "gentlemanly" behavior somehow dilutes cultural identity or religious values. Some worry it's another form of Western cultural imperialism, repackaged in a tuxedo and bow-tie.

But here's where things get interesting.

The Islamic Gentleman: 1,400 Years of Adab

Long before the English word "gentleman" existed, Islamic tradition had already established a comprehensive code of male conduct called "adab"—encompassing ethics, manners, and moral behavior.

The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. himself exemplified traits we'd recognize in any definition of a gentleman: he was known for his honesty (Al-Amin, "the trustworthy"), his respectful treatment of women, his generosity to those in need, and his impeccable manners in all situations.

As the hadith states: "The best of you are those who are best to their wives." If that's not chivalrous behavior, what is?

YAM Tengku Hassanal Ibrahim Alam Shah

Malaysian Cultural Values: Aligned, Not Opposed

Traditional Malaysian values also emphasize many qualities we associate with being a gentleman: respect for elders (hormat), maintaining dignity and composure (maruah), generosity (murah hati), and prioritizing community over self-interest (gotong-royong).

"When I really think about it," reflects Amir Benzaki, a suitmaker and realtor, "our cultural traditions actually demand more gentlemanly behavior than Western ones, not less. We just use different terminology."

The Universal Gentleman: Beyond Cultural Boundaries

Finding the Malaysian Gentleman

So where does this leave the modern Malaysian man? Perhaps in an ideal position to define a new, culturally authentic model of gentlemanly behavior.

"I don't see any contradiction between being Malay, Muslim, and a gentleman," says Faeez, a 40-year-old pilot. "I believe respecting women, controlling my temper, and treating everyone with dignity actually makes me a better Muslim, not a worse one."

So is being a gentleman a Western concept? Only if we're looking at the wrapping paper rather than what's inside the package. The true essence of a gentleman—integrity, respect, self-control, and kindness—belongs to no single culture. And that's something we can all tip our songkok to.

About the Author

Raja Izz

Related posts