10 Fundamental Guidelines For a Solid Game
Every guy claims to know them. But in practice, we all see the same mistakes over and over and over again. Because putting these principles into practice takes discipline and conviction.
Article contribution by By Ezrieq Ashraff
When young guys are just starting out in game and life, they make all sorts of mistakes. I was one of those guys. I’m still constantly making mistakes. But I feel that getting some years under my belt, and some experience, has made me more aware of my mistakes. And awareness is the first step in improvement.
I was reading a thread from the website of Doc Love and Coach Corey Wayne recently that reminded me of some foundation truths of the male-female dynamic that I think are incredibly important. They are timeless and never get old. Only by hearing these things over and over again will they really sink in. And even then, the reading has to be matched with life experience.
These are some of the foundation truths about men and women that I wish I had known at the earliest possible age.
1. Masculine And Feminine Energy Is Different
Masculine energy is all about breaking through barriers, overcoming obstacles, and achieving goals. Evolution has made us this way, of course. Men are logical, and approach problems with a framework based on logical assumptions with a purpose of overcoming some barrier.
But women aren’t like this. It’s a mistake for men to project onto women our own thinking patterns. Feminine energy is all about bonding, finding emotional connections, and opening up to receive love. They are not guided by strict logic. They operate more on emotional and intuitive bases. Nurturing is not breaking through barriers or crushing obstacles.
Well, you might say: “So what? I already knew this!” Even so, not many guys truly understand the implications of the differences in masculine energy and feminine energy. Failure to appreciate this basic difference leads to countless problems.
2. Women Won’t Tell You How To Be A Man
Girls expect you already to know how to be a man. They don’t want to have to coach you in this. (Of course, here women forget that, these days, most men are not taught how to be men, and that society actively discourages masculinity. For this they can thank their feminist sisters).
When you’re out with a girl, she doesn’t want to make big decisions. She wants to show up, look pretty, and let you lead the parade. You’re expected to take the initiative. And you should. Always.
3. Stop Over-Pursuing
When a guy meets a girl for the first time, he often in his mind imagines all sorts of scenarios about what he’s going to do with her (or to her) in the future. Men are methodical planners. Again, evolution has made us so. But the problem with this mentality is that it can lead to thirsty, needy, or desperate behavior.
Your mind-set should be focused on having fun. That’s it. I will say it again: having fun. Stop thinking about the implications, complications, and secret meanings behind things. That’s the one thing that guys do all the time: trying to over-analyze everything. Forget that. You should not be trying to over-plan things, define the nature of the relationship, or box her into some sort of commitment. If you are looking for a relationship, remember that women need time to allow their feelings for you to grow. Trying to rush her will always backfire.
When it comes to calling or texting, you need to let her do the majority of that. I know, I know, it sounds basic. But this mistake is probably the most common one out there. Guys get thirsty, and will blow up a girl’s phone with calls or texts. For God’s sake, stop doing this. Once a day is plenty, at the beginning. If her interest level in you is there, she will do the majority of the texting or calling.
4. Women Hate Needy And Desperate Behavior
Basic? Yes. But they really do hate this. Needy behavior completely ruins attraction.
But again, this principle is so often forgotten. Attraction is not a choice. If it’s there, you can feel it if you’re attuned to female signals. But what you do with the attraction is up to you. Are you going to sabotage yourself? Or are you going to confidently move the interaction along, in a way that leads to sex? A big part of this is avoiding needy behavior.
So many guys sabotage themselves by reverting to insecure or needy behavior patterns. They call too much, show body language that displays lack of confidence, or otherwise unconsciously talk her out of sleeping with him. I really think that a lot of these needy behaviors are so hard to unlearn because they are the residues of childhood traumas. It’s the hardest thing in the world to unlearn bad habits like this. Very few guys are naturally confident alpha types. But you’ve got to do it.
5. Never Accept Being Friend-Zoned
You are not her gay male girlfriend. When a girl you’re interested in tries to friend zone you, move on. Do not hang around and accept your status as a gay male girlfriend. You should say or convey something like, “I’m not interested in that right now. I don’t want to be your friend. But let me know if you change your mind.” And move on.
You’ve got to walk away and mean it. Women need to know that you have boundaries. They need to know that if they push you too far, you will stand up for yourself. Men’s biggest mistakes these days relate to not setting firm boundaries for female behavior.
They need to know if they push you too far, there will be consequences. Your time is valuable. Wasting time being a chick’s friend will just give you blueballs and will take time away from meeting other girls more deserving of your attention.
6. Don’t Be Too Clear About Your Feelings
Women are more attracted to guys whose feelings are unclear. You need to make her work for your attention. Don’t put everything on the table. When you make everything clear about your feelings, you deprive her of her desire to win over your affection. Nobody values things that are won too easily.
7. Understand The Purpose Of Shit-Tests
Women will shit-test you constantly. That’s just life. That’s their way of probing a man, and finding out if he really is a masculine guy, or someone who will collapse and cave in. They want to see if you can stay centered, or not. Shit-tests come in all shapes, styles, and flavors, but the key thing is always to maintain your masculine center. Never allow a girl to throw you off your frame. Your response can be breezy, confident, vaguely dismissive, or humorous, but never forget that her purpose is to see how you react.
8. Don’t Get Into Discussions With Women About Game Or Dating
You’re wasting your time. They will never speak honestly about these subjects, or will try to confuse or derail the issues. Never accept a woman’s dating or relationship advice. I once saw a YouTube video of a so-called female “dating coach”. She was a beautiful, well-spoken girl, but it was all about her showing off and making glamorous poses for the camera. She was more interested in promoting herself, titillating the male viewers, and attention-whoring than honestly sharing information. And it’s always the same story. Women see things from their perspective, not from the male perspective.
9. Get Off The Phone
The purpose of the phone is to set up meetings. That’s it. The purpose of the phone is not to get into hour-long conversations, or extended text chats, with a girl you are trying to get intimate with. Too much talk always kills attraction. All that stuff you want to say, say it during your in-person meeting with her. Too much phone or text talk will result in your being friend-zoned, or your feeding her attention-whoring impulse. Remember: thirsty, needy behavior is a fuel to the female attention-whoring impulse.
10. Look Good All The Time
There are no rest days in looking good. There are no dress rehearsals. You’re always on stage. You’re always in the public eye. You won’t get second chances. Your dress, grooming, body, fitness, and attitude should always be top-notch. Life is short: don’t fuck up your opportunities. When you see the opportunity, pull the trigger. Do not hesitate. Drop the hammer, always. You are already expected to look good, dress well, be an articulate speaker, and be confident. Confidence is the key to everything. Yes, you’ve heard it before. But you need to hear it again. If you need mental programming to help you maintain your masculine frame, adopt a helpful philosophy like Stoicism or Buddhism.
Having read through this list, might say to yourself, “I already know all this.” And maybe you do. But the challenge here is actually implementing these things. Every guy claims to know them. But in practice, we all see the same mistakes over and over and over again. Because putting these principles into practice takes discipline and conviction.
And, most of all, it takes the experience of getting knocked around enough to realize that there are no shortcuts or magic wands.
Now be a man.