Why being single is a powerful choice: A female reader's thoughtful perspective

Richard Madden

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Letter from Christie Lim

Dear GC,

 I'd like to chime in my thoughts about being single. I am a  single, 34 year old female, working as a financial analyst. I was watching this one-hour stand up by a famouse comedian, and he told a fascinating thing-

"If you only love yourself at 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you 30%. You're like, Wow, that's so much. It's literally less than half. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. That's something every one of us deserves."

People understand the value of self-love and know that happiness doesn't come from a spouse. The concept of being satisfied with life doesn't mean sharing it with someone, instead, living it to the fullest. 'Decent' people you are talking about are more focused on their career, ambitious, family and general fulfilment when it comes to life. We all have that one friend who hates being single, falls for every person they see and Feel sad and always ask why they are alone. Yes, we all have that kind of friend, but not everyone looks at breakups / being single that way- to some people being single is a way of changing outlook.

As much as I want to wish it is not true but relationships these days are not as easy as we think- so many cases of unhealthy addiction, violence, toxic relationship, gaslighting emerging and people are not quiet about it anymore. 'Decent' people are single because they know it is tempting to blame your partner for breakups, but it is also essential to have a self-realisation that you might be wrong. Sense of gratitude and acknowledgement of oneself comes with being single.

People are leaving a mindset behind which suggests that marriage and bearing a child is an essential part of your life; in fact, people are focusing more on financial, emotional and professional growth these days. People are shifting to a place where they prioritise their happiness, needs etc. over having a partner. Being single has become socially acceptable.  Once upon a time, marriage was considered a foundation of adulthood. You were expected to get married within a couple years of finishing high school. There was a lot more judgment if a woman decided to postpone marriage to pursue her studies. And if she did, her career opportunities were narrow: nurse, teacher, and not much else. If you were a single girl and refused to get married while very young, you would be considered either a loose woman or too old to marry. Things have changed. People have more freedom to decide that they don’t want to get married. And people who are married have more freedom to divorce.

A food for thought.