21.11.2024

Why being single is a powerful choice: A female reader's thoughtful perspective

Explore Christie Lim’s candid reflections on self-love, societal shifts, and the evolving acceptance of singlehood. Discover why being single is more than a status—it's a choice rooted in personal growth and fulfillment.

Richard Madden

Photo: Getty Images

Letter from Christie Lim

Dear GC,

I'd like to chime in my thoughts about being single. I am a single, 34 year old female, working as a financial analyst. I was watching this one-hour stand up by a famouse comedian, and he told a fascinating thing-

"If you only love yourself at 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you 30%. You're like, Wow, that's so much. It's literally less than half. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. That's something every one of us deserves."

People understand the value of self-love and know that happiness doesn't come from a spouse. The concept of being satisfied with life doesn't mean sharing it with someone, instead, living it to the fullest. 'Decent' people you are talking about are more focused on their career, ambitious, family and general fulfilment when it comes to life. We all have that one friend who hates being single, falls for every person they see and Feel sad and always ask why they are alone. Yes, we all have that kind of friend, but not everyone looks at breakups / being single that way- to some people being single is a way of changing outlook.

As much as I want to wish it is not true but relationships these days are not as easy as we think- so many cases of unhealthy addiction, violence, toxic relationship, gaslighting emerging and people are not quiet about it anymore. 'Decent' people are single because they know it is tempting to blame your partner for breakups, but it is also essential to have a self-realisation that you might be wrong. Sense of gratitude and acknowledgement of oneself comes with being single.

People are leaving a mindset behind which suggests that marriage and bearing a child is an essential part of your life; in fact, people are focusing more on financial, emotional and professional growth these days. People are shifting to a place where they prioritise their happiness, needs etc. over having a partner. Being single has become socially acceptable. Once upon a time, marriage was considered a foundation of adulthood. You were expected to get married within a couple years of finishing high school. There was a lot more judgment if a woman decided to postpone marriage to pursue her studies. And if she did, her career opportunities were narrow: nurse, teacher, and not much else. If you were a single girl and refused to get married while very young, you would be considered either a loose woman or too old to marry. Things have changed. People have more freedom to decide that they don’t want to get married. And people who are married have more freedom to divorce.

A food for thought.

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Christie,

Your letter arrives at a critical moment in our societal dialogue about relationships, personal growth, and individual agency. We are profoundly impressed by the depth and nuance of your perspective.

The comedian's quote you shared is a powerful metaphor for self-worth – a principle we ardently champion. It's a stark reminder that personal value isn't determined by relationship status, but by the completeness of one's self-perception and personal development.

Your insights about 'decent' people and their approach to life strike at the heart of a crucial societal shift. We're witnessing a generation that refuses to be defined by outdated social constructs, instead choosing intentional living over conventional expectations. The narrative you describe isn't about being single by default, but being single by choice – a deliberate, empowering decision rooted in self-respect and personal ambition.

The historical context you've outlined is particularly poignant. The transformation from an era where women were primarily valued through marital status to today's landscape of professional and personal freedom is nothing short of revolutionary. Your description of past limitations – where a woman's career options were narrowly confined to nursing or teaching – underscores how far we've progressed.

Your observation about the changing dynamics of relationships is both brave and honest. The acknowledgment of toxic relationship patterns, the rise of self-awareness, and the prioritization of personal growth over societal pressures represents a mature, sophisticated approach to life and love.

At GC, we believe in celebrating individual journeys. Your letter reinforces our commitment to challenging outdated narratives and supporting personal authenticity.

Thank you for sharing your powerful perspective. Voices like yours are instrumental in reshaping societal understanding and respect for individual paths.

With respect and gratitude,

The Gentleman

READ MORE: Men have foolishly ignored the warning in The Book Of Genesis

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