04.01.2025

What to do when your in-laws threaten legal action over divorce: A reader's dilemma

A reader shares his struggle with a failing marriage and in-laws threatening to sue over divorce. Explore practical advice for navigating personal relationships, societal expectations, and legal challenges in modern marriage.

Remarriage & Desires | Photo Credit: Netflix

Letter from Mr Z.

Dear GC,

Happy new year 2025 to you.

I want to seek your advice here regarding my marriage. I been married for 6 months but my wife does not seem to be responsible with anything. We are both the same age, 37 years old.

1. She wakes up at 12 pm.

2. She does not make breakfast, lunch or dinner.

3. She does not like to do laundries or even iron the clothes.

4. She still goes to work, comes back at 8-9 pm. Sometimes she would text me that she will be back late.

5. She does not like to do things with me. She does her own stuff with her friends and I do mine.

Most of her communication to me is about money like to spend on makeup, to give her money for her to go out with her friends. We dated for 1 year and I thought when she said ok that she would marry me, I thought she would change. When we dated, we could still talk a few things and there was interest from her like she would participate in our conversation but after we got married, she changed. Our communication is mostly one way.

So I decided to talk to her one on one on this last week. What I sensed was indeed true, she said that she no longer felt the spark we once had. She lost all interest in me. She said that she is trying to find that spark but she can't. So I decided that I would put a stop to this marriage which she agreed to.

She informed her parents about it a few days ago that we would go our own separate ways but her parents do not agree that we should part ways. They claim that divorce would disgrace their daughter's name. They do not approve of it but this is my marriage. My own wife is not happy with me anymore, why must I stay with someone who would fake their happiness? I have spoken many times to her parents, but they do not want a divorce. Even their own daughter can't convince them. Her father has threatened to sue me for smearing the family name if I decide to go with the divorce. This is 2025! Her parents way of thinking is so archaic. Many of my friends have divorced. It should no longer be seen as an act of dishonor. There is no other solution. I do not want her. She agrees that we part ways but her father wants to sue me. What should I do in this difficult situation? I do not want to bother my parents because this is my marriage. I am a man and I need to solve this on my own.

Your advice is needed. Thanks

Z

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Z,

Happy New Year to you too.

Thank you for reaching out to Gentleman's Code and for sharing your deeply personal situation with us. We can sense the weight of this challenge you're facing, and we commend your maturity in addressing these issues directly with your wife.

Your marriage situation presents several concerning aspects. The lack of shared responsibilities, minimal communication, and your wife's acknowledged loss of emotional connection are all valid reasons for concern. The fact that both you and your wife have come to a mutual agreement about separation shows a level of adult understanding that deserves respect.

Regarding your in-laws' threats of legal action - while we understand their traditional concerns, in most jurisdictions, they have no legal standing to prevent a divorce between consenting adults. The "smearing of family name" is not typically recognized as grounds for a lawsuit, especially when both parties in the marriage agree to separate. However, we strongly recommend you:

1. Document all communications with your wife about the mutual decision to separate

2. Consult with a family law attorney immediately to understand your rights and options

3. Keep all interactions with your in-laws professional and documented

4. Consider mediation as a first step, which might help ease tensions with your in-laws

Your decision to handle this personally, without involving your parents, shows admirable independence. However, don't confuse seeking legal counsel with weakness - even the strongest men need expert guidance in specialized situations.

Remember, a marriage that both parties acknowledge isn't working often causes more long-term damage by continuing than by ending respectfully. Your recognition of this reality demonstrates emotional intelligence, not a life failure.

If you need specific legal resources or professional counseling contacts in your area, please don't hesitate to reach out again.

Stay strong,

The Gentleman

P.S. While we strive to provide helpful guidance, please note that our advice should not be considered a substitute for professional legal counsel.

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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What to do when your in-laws threaten legal action over divorce: A reader's dilemma

A reader shares his struggle with a failing marriage and in-laws threatening to sue over divorce. Explore practical advice for navigating personal relationships, societal expectations, and legal challenges in modern marriage.

Remarriage & Desires | Photo Credit: Netflix

Letter from Mr Z.

Dear GC,

Happy new year 2025 to you.

I want to seek your advice here regarding my marriage. I been married for 6 months but my wife does not seem to be responsible with anything. We are both the same age, 37 years old.

1. She wakes up at 12 pm.

2. She does not make breakfast, lunch or dinner.

3. She does not like to do laundries or even iron the clothes.

4. She still goes to work, comes back at 8-9 pm. Sometimes she would text me that she will be back late.

5. She does not like to do things with me. She does her own stuff with her friends and I do mine.

Your advice is needed. Thanks

Z

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Z,

Happy New Year to you too.

Thank you for reaching out to Gentleman's Code and for sharing your deeply personal situation with us. We can sense the weight of this challenge you're facing, and we commend your maturity in addressing these issues directly with your wife.

1. Document all communications with your wife about the mutual decision to separate

2. Consult with a family law attorney immediately to understand your rights and options

3. Keep all interactions with your in-laws professional and documented

4. Consider mediation as a first step, which might help ease tensions with your in-laws

Your decision to handle this personally, without involving your parents, shows admirable independence. However, don't confuse seeking legal counsel with weakness - even the strongest men need expert guidance in specialized situations.

Remember, a marriage that both parties acknowledge isn't working often causes more long-term damage by continuing than by ending respectfully. Your recognition of this reality demonstrates emotional intelligence, not a life failure.

If you need specific legal resources or professional counseling contacts in your area, please don't hesitate to reach out again.

Stay strong,

The Gentleman

P.S. While we strive to provide helpful guidance, please note that our advice should not be considered a substitute for professional legal counsel.

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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