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    15.11.2024

    Trump, masculinity, and the rise of independent women: A reader's thoughtful perspective

    Explore a reader's critique on featuring Donald Trump in a gentleman's publication, reflections on modern masculinity, and insights into the "new woman" era as more women choose independence over traditional relationships.

    Former President Trump and daughter Ivanka Trump walk to Marine One on the South Lawn of the White House on Jan. 4, 2020.

    Photo: Drew Angerer/Getty Images



    Letter from Mr. Thilak Kandasamy

    Dear GC,

    You have an excellent web site and I am an avid Internet reader on fashion and masculinity and I have recently bookmarked your web site.

    I noticed that you had received feedback from one of your readers regarding the recent U.S election of which Trump had won and thereby question your mandate as a publication that upholds class on why would you feature such a man on your web site.  I think I do agree wholeheartedly on the points he had raised but his views are from a law perspective. At the moment there is no law that says you cannot run a country if you are convicted of a crime. If the majority of people think you are qualified and voted for you, you can be the US president or any leader of a country. This is not like applying in a company where it is clearly written in your application form that you cannot be a convict if you want to apply for a job. Our Prime Minister himself is a convict too. He had served his term and got out early because of Former PM Tun Dr. Mahathir otherwise he would have been in jail longer had Najib continued his reign. I am hearing people complaining about why Trump can be elected as President despite his many wrongdoings which I clearly understand but there is no law that says he can't run if elected.  I would certainly support if there is a law that says you need to be clean in order to run a country.

    But I do agree with him on the reason why you should consider not to publicize such a man like Trump on your website as a gentleman. A gentleman is about being the best version of yourself but is Donald Trump displaying the best version of himself? Absolutely No. He lashes out to people with insults. He creates enemies with people. He unleashed a chaos in the U.S capitol on January 6 2021. He does not support democracy and refused to attend President Joe Biden's inauguration. He loves to whine and blames past Presidents. He disagrees without grace. He calls people low IQ publicly. He calls the media as enemy of the people. If you are from the media, your life would be at stake because his supporters would also hate your guts. The media under Trump era live in constant fear and they are now embracing for Trump 2.0.

    Is this the kind of personality you want to be featured on a Gentleman publication? There is one section about Etiquette but Donald Trump has nothing when it comes to etiquette. Trump has no composure which is a key component required as a gentleman. 

    Next is about women. Are we witnessing "new woman" era? Why are women today prefer being single? I just got officially ended my marriage to a woman whom I knew of 10 years. Why we ended? She wanted her way of doing things. She likes to order me around especially when her friends are around. High of ego. I thought we men are supposed to have egos but unfortunately ladies also have theirs. Commanding me around to take the plates, washing the dishes, ordering me to fix the air condition when she knows that the technician would be coming the next day yet she still tells me so that she can show her friends that she is dominant. Is that who women are today? Where are women who speak respectfully to their men? She wants to command me yet I am still paying the bills. When it became too much, I just snapped and we had 1 big fight until the dishes went flying around the room and she made the announcement to end the marriage before things get nastier. Even the divorce process took a toll because she made it personal. The experience taught me to never remarry. Once is enough. But my question and perhaps from most men too is what is happening to women today? Recent research on October 2024, says that women prefer being single now because they no longer rely on men anymore.

    Things are changing. Things that are out of the norm, things that are unorthodox are changing our world. It's scary to think of the reality. Reminds me of Back to the Future II where you end up in this alternate reality that nobody wants, this is what I think will happen and we can't do anything but to embrace this alternate reality.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-single/202410/why-women-like-being-single-more-than-men-do

    Answer by The Gentleman:

    Hi Mr. Thilak,

    Thank you for taking the time to write to us and for your insightful feedback. Your thoughtful observations reflect the kind of intellectually engaged audience we aim to serve at GC. We deeply appreciate your support and the time you’ve taken to bookmark our platform.

    First, let us address the critique regarding our personality features. We respect the sentiments you and others have shared. Moving forward, we are implementing more stringent criteria for selecting individuals to feature in our Personality section. Our approach will be holistic, evaluating not only a person’s achievements but also their character, composure, and alignment with the principles of honor, dignity, and respect—core tenets of what we believe defines a gentleman.

    Your observations about Donald Trump resonate strongly. While it is true that legality allows certain individuals to ascend to leadership despite past transgressions, being a gentleman transcends legality. A gentleman represents the pinnacle of civility, restraint, and grace—a role model who inspires through action and demeanor. As you pointed out, actions like public insults, divisive rhetoric, and a lack of grace do not align with the standards we aim to uphold. Your critique reminds us of the responsibility we bear in showcasing individuals who embody the best of humanity.

    Are We Witnessing a "New Woman" Era?

    Your reflections on the shifting dynamics between men and women today are poignant. Indeed, the emergence of what some might call the "New Woman" era represents a profound cultural evolution. Women now have access to unprecedented opportunities for education, career advancement, and financial independence. This empowerment has understandably reshaped traditional gender roles and expectations.

    The research you referenced highlights that many women are choosing to remain single because they no longer need to rely on men for security or societal validation. This shift is not just about independence—it’s also about women redefining fulfillment and prioritizing self-actualization. While these changes can feel disorienting, they are part of the broader societal transformation we are witnessing, where both genders are renegotiating their roles and relationships.

    However, relationships thrive on mutual respect and communication. The dynamics you described with your former spouse may reflect the broader challenges couples face when navigating changing expectations. Ego and dominance—traits that know no gender—can corrode partnerships if they overshadow cooperation and kindness. At its best, a partnership should not be about who commands whom but about a balanced, respectful collaboration where both parties grow together.

    Embracing Change with Optimism

    You mention the unsettling nature of this “alternate reality.” While it’s true that change can be disconcerting, it is also an opportunity. As men, we can respond to these shifts not by retreating into resentment but by adapting with resilience and openness. Just as women are embracing new identities, men, too, can reframe masculinity as a strength rooted in emotional intelligence, supportiveness, and adaptability.

    At GC, we aim to serve as a compass for navigating these societal transformations with grace and understanding. Your letter reinforces the importance of fostering dialogue around these pressing issues, and we’re forever grateful for your contribution to this ongoing conversation.

     

    With respect and gratitude,

    The Gentleman

     

    Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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