Thoughts on arranged marriages and preserving tradition to combat high divorce rates

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Mr. K,

Thank you for your thoughtful email and for engaging with the values we hold close at GC. It is always a pleasure to hear from a reader who appreciates the significance of lineage, traditions, and the customs that shape our identities.

In observing my own grandparents, who, like many royal descendants of their era, entered into an arranged marriage within their circles, I’ve come to appreciate the depth of commitment that comes with such unions. Despite the challenges they faced, they stood together until their last breath, bound by shared values and a sense of duty to family. Their marriage wasn’t based on fleeting emotions but a lifelong commitment to each other and the family legacy they upheld.

In today’s world, marriage often fails not because of a lack of love, but because of a clash in core values and lifestyle expectations. For example, I’ve seen marriages fall apart when partners come from vastly different worlds. One friend struggled in his marriage when his ex-wife, who was deeply involved in high society lifestyle (example: frequent luxury travel overseas & fine dining), demanded a lifestyle he couldn’t sustain on his corporate income. Their rising expenses, fueled by credit card debt, created a financial and emotional strain that ultimately proved too much for them to bear.

Based on my own experience as a married man, marriage, unlike a car loan where you commit for 5-7 years, is a lifelong partnership that requires mutual understanding of each other’s values, interests, and lifestyles. A man must recognize these core elements in his partner, and she in him, because without this alignment, it becomes difficult to navigate the complexities of life together.

As for your question on whether arranged marriages should be reintroduced to reduce divorce rates, I believe that the underlying principle of arranged marriages—compatibility in values and family support—holds significant merit. However, in our modern world, where individual autonomy is highly prized, it’s important that both partners enter into marriage with a mutual understanding and respect for each other's values, whether the match is arranged or autonomous. What we can learn from arranged marriages is the importance of shared values and family support, key factors in creating a stable and lasting union.

Your reflection on the role of fathers in arranged marriages is also poignant. Fathers, as the guiding figures in our lives, can offer invaluable support, but the success of any marriage ultimately depends on how well two individuals understand and align with each other’s values. My father, for example, is an elitist in his choosing—whether it’s in clothing, education, industry occupation, health & fitness, or even the women he dated when he was a bachelor. This quality of discerning taste and high standards has resonated with me throughout my life. And in this, I found compatibility with my wife, as she was brought up in an elite environment - the city that she was brought up, the school that she studied, her circle of friends, and the sports and lifestyle that she's passionate. Our shared backgrounds and values have created a strong foundation for our relationship. And by elitist, I mean striving for the best based on our resources and standards, not out of snobbery or an 'I'm better than you' attitude. It's about valuing excellence and making choices that reflect that.

Thank you again for sharing your experience, K. I look forward to hearing more from you as we continue these meaningful discussions.

With gratitude and respect,

The Gentleman

READ MORE: Why Society Needs to Cultivate a True Elite Class

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