22.06.2025

"The Gentleman’s Code may feel elitist - but it awakened something in me" - A letter from Jakarta

A young tech entrepreneur from Jakarta reflects on why the aspirational world of GC feels elitist—and why that’s exactly what makes it powerful. He questions whether gentlemanliness should be democratized or remain earned through tradition and discipline.

Teuku Agassi (middle standing), Tengku Nadira (middle sitting) and friends. (photo for illustration only)

Photo credit: tengkunadiraadn

 

Dear GC,

Greetings from Indonesia.

Allow me to briefly introduce myself. My name is Rudy, a 28-year-old tech entrepreneur based in Jakarta.

My life has been shaped by algorithms, digital disruption, and the tempo of a city that never quite sleeps. Indonesia, like Malaysia, is a nation of contradictions: modern yet mystical, democratic yet deferential to legacy. We have our palaces (yours in Kuala Lumpur, us in Yogyakarta) and protocols, but also our hashtags. And somewhere in that chaos, I started to wonder what it means to be a man.

I’ve long admired Malaysia’s quiet embrace of refinement. From the subtle authority of its royal institutions to the way your society dresses for ceremony, Malaysia carries its codes with pride. It was during a recent business trip to Kuala Lumpur that I came across GC. A friend had left the tab open on his laptop, and out of curiosity, I clicked.

I’ll be honest. I expected to be skeptical at first. I thought it would be a platform trying too hard to revive aristocratic fantasy in a world that now wears Crocs to court. But to my surprise, I stayed. Not because I agreed with everything. Quite the opposite. I stayed because something about the tone felt uncomfortably... aspirational.

As someone in his late twenties who grew up on startup culture, sneakers as status, and the gospel of Zuckerberg’s hoodie, I was raised to believe that gatekeeping was the enemy. That dress codes were microaggressions. That elegance was elitism. And yet, deep down, I find myself oddly drawn to the world GC promotes. Not because it panders, but precisely because it doesn’t.

Your platform feels unapologetically elitist. The vocabulary. The taste levels. The codes of conduct. None of it is "accessible" to the masses, and thank God for that. In a digital world where everyone is trying to be everything to everyone, GC whispers a simple challenge: have a code first.

That’s extremely rare.

Of course, it triggers some of my peers. "Who do these guys think they are? Talking about Javanese aristocracy, Malay Nusantara manners, and chivalry like we’re in the medieval period. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe the modern world is so flooded with attention and performative virtue that we’ve forgotten the thrill of striving. The gentleman, after all, isn’t born. He is forged. Through practice. Through restraint. Through falling short and still choosing the harder, higher road.

So yes, your code is exclusionary. And that’s exactly why it inspires. Because in a culture where everything is given, the last luxury is something earned.

Which raises two questions I hope GC might explore further:

1) Should gentlemanliness be democratized, or must it remain earned?
2) Can a gentleman exist without tradition—or does he require a lineage of values to draw from?

Whatever the answers, I do know this: the world needs better codes. Codes that call men to be deep, not fame. And perhaps that’s why, against all odds, I’ve bookmarked your site. Not for where I am, but for who I’m still trying to become.

 

With respect,
Rudy R.

Answer by The Gentleman:

Dear Rudy,

Your letter arrived with the stillness of dawn and the weight of legacy. We read it aloud in the GC office. Then, we sat quietly, as one does after hearing a truth that echoes.

Allow us to begin where our roots lie: we were all brothers once, not just by blood or boundary, but by breath and bearing, as sons of the Malay Nusantara. From Istano Basa Pagaruyung to the Kraton of Yogyakarta to Istana Melaka, our ancestors did not rush. They bowed before entering rooms. They spoke not to impress, but to impart. And even now, beneath the concrete and code of our metropolises—Kuala Lumpur and Jakarta, Yogyakarta and Melaka—that memory remain close to our heart.

There is always something mystical about Indonesia. Perhaps it is the tradition in Yogyakarta, where the royal line does not reign, but reminds. Or the spiritual pulse of Batavia, where ancient energy dances under fluorescent chaos. Even with the abolishment of monarchy and the birth of republic, the presence of inherited gravitas lingers, as if Java itself refuses to forget who you are.

Now to your questions.

1. Should gentlemanliness be democratized, or must it remain earned?

We believe the invitation is universal, but the initiation must be earned.

To walk the path of a gentleman is to submit to a kind of internal nobility. Not a throne of gold, but a crown of continuous quest of refinement. Such a thing cannot be gifted, only awakened. Gentlemanliness, therefore, cannot be democratized in the political sense because it invites each man inward. It is a personal pilgrimage, not a social entitlement. It must remain earned, because what is earned shapes the soul. And what shapes the soul determines your hereafter.

This is not elitism. It is spiritual filtering. Just as not every drop becomes dew, not every boy becomes a man of quiet strength. The world tries to make masculinity a commodity. But a true code cannot be downloaded—it must be lived.

2. Can a gentleman exist without tradition—or does he require a lineage of values to draw from?

A gentleman without tradition is like a house without its foundation. He may impress, may rise, may even shine briefly in the spectacle of modernity—but he cannot endure. For when the winds of crisis blow, when applause fades and the algorithms change, what will hold him upright if not a rooted sense of who he is and where he comes from?

Tradition is the quiet compass behind every great man. It teaches him codes that has been passed down from each generation, shaping his ancestors, his father, and his identity.

As American First Lady Jacky Kennedy once said, "For royalty you need tradition. And for tradition, you need time"

Whether you draw from Javanese court etiquette, or from your "halus" soft-spoken language, what matters is that you draw from somewhere.

Because a man who stands for something is never alone. His presence echoes with lineage.

In contrast, a man with no roots may be popular, even charming. He may master the language of trends, mirror whatever room he enters, and accumulate the optics of success. But he will never be deep. And without depth, there can be no legacy—only a trail of impressions that vanish as quickly as they came.

 

Rudy, your words remind us why GC was founded—not to create a brand, but to guard universal values. The fact that you found us, not for affirmation, but for aspiration, means that the code is working. Quietly. Patiently. Across oceans, nationalities, and cultures.

And so, brother from Jakarta, know this: the door will always be open for you. Not because you are finished—but because you’ve begun.

 

With deep respect,
The Gent

 

RELATED READING: Timeless wisdom of Javanese Gentry: Priyayi

RELATED READING: Why achieving true gentleman status is a multigenerational pursuit

RELATED READING: Lineage vs. materialism: Why bloodlines triumph over net worth


Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman." Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Please note:

1. We no longer accept letters on marital or divorce issues.

2. We do not entertain unconstructive correspondence, race and religion topics, or hate speech.

3. If you are writing on behalf of an institution, organisation, or formal body and wish to submit a letter to GC, we kindly request that you provide reasonable proof of your affiliation or existence. This helps us maintain the integrity of all correspondence.

Thank you for your understanding.

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