Spiritual reflection on the modern perspective of a gentleman

HH Sawai Padmanabh Singh Picture: GQ Images

Question from Dr. Vish:

Dear GC,

Thank you answering my question in May about the role of a gentleman in the modern world.  I have continued to think about what you discussed and had the following thoughts.

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A few months ago, I began exploring the question of what it means to be a gentleman in the modern world. This inquiry was sparked by my contemplation of interior design ideas for a new home and evolved into a broader reflection on the mindset of a gentleman—the pursuit of elegance, sophistication, and refinement in a contemporary context. In trying to define this modern gentleman, I began to notice a tension between traditional conceptions and modern expressions of the gentlemanly ideal.

When we think of a gentleman, the image that often comes to mind is steeped in heritage, classic clothing, lineage, and etiquette. From an outsider’s perspective, a gentleman may be seen as a man impeccably dressed in well-tailored, timeless attire, embodying a lifestyle rich with traditions often associated with old money and established social customs. This traditional view is reflected in decor as well—spaces filled with sumptuous textiles, rich wood paneling, and intricate crown molding, all exuding a sense of time-honored elegance.

However, modern lifestyles often seem to diverge from this vision. The contemporary gentleman may prefer a more streamlined, minimalist aesthetic in both decor and dress. He might choose well-crafted chinos and a polo shirt over the classic suit, or a home defined by clean lines and simplicity rather than the ornate opulence of the past. But does this shift in style and preference imply that the modern gentleman lacks respect for tradition or embodies a “new money” mindset? I believe this is not the case.

In rethinking the concept of the modern gentleman, I found an analogy that helped clarify my thoughts. In Hinduism, there is a spiritual goal akin to the Muslim pilgrimage to Hajj: the journey to the “Char Dham.” These are four sacred sites located in the north, south, east, and west of India, and it has long been considered a pious duty for Hindus to visit them at least once in their lifetime. In earlier times, undertaking this pilgrimage required immense time and resources, often spanning many years, if not a lifetime. Today, with modern transportation, one can complete the journey within days. Yet, does this newfound efficiency diminish the spiritual value of the pilgrimage? Certainly not. The essence of the journey remains the same; it is the devotion and intention that matter, not the length of the journey.

Similarly, when we consider the modern gentleman, we must look beyond the outward manifestations of tradition and focus instead on the underlying values that have always defined a gentleman. The principles remain the same—respect, integrity, kindness, and a commitment to etiquette, confidence, poise, and moral character. However, the way these values are expressed has adapted to fit the pace and demands of the contemporary world.

Being a gentleman is not about lineage, specific hobbies, or adhering to a rigid dress code. It is about embodying a timeless ethos. A gentleman understands the importance of education, even if an Ivy League degree is out of reach. He values refinement and sophistication in his personal choices, whether in decor, clothing, or interests, and uses these as avenues for self-expression rather than mere displays of wealth or status.

As Harry Hart famously told Eggsy in Kingsman, “Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one’s birth. Being a gentleman is something one learns.” Modern gentlemen may not play polo or indulge in other traditional pastimes, but they cultivate social connections, maintain physical fitness, and engage in pursuits that are meaningful to them. The focus has shifted, but the core remains constant. Understanding this allows the modern gentleman to embody the same timeless values in ways that are relevant to today’s world.

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I would be interested in your thoughts.  

Kind regards,

Dr. Vish