10.10.2024

Seeking guidance: Reconciling gentleman's ethos with Malay heritage

Nik Arif seeks guidance on blending Western gentlemanly behavior with traditional Malay values. Explore how modern masculinity can honor diverse cultural roots.

Henry Golding/Ralph Lauren. Picture for illustration only.

Question from Mr. Nik:

Dear GC Team,

I hope this email finds you well. My name is Nik Arif, a 38-year-old resident of Petaling Jaya and a long-time follower of your esteemed platform. I'm writing to seek your guidance on a personal matter that I believe aligns closely with the ethos GC champions.

In recent years, I've found myself increasingly drawn to what I consider gentlemanly conduct and lifestyle choices. This journey has led me to embrace activities such as playing tennis, treating women with particular courtesy, wearing three-piece suits for business occasions, and even donning a tuxedo for cultural events like opera or orchestras at Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra Suria KLCC. While these choices feel natural and aligned with my personal growth, they've sparked an unexpected dialogue among my friends and fraternity.

Some of my close acquaintances have expressed concern that in adopting these practices, I might be drifting away from my Malay heritage and values. They perceive my choices as an embrace of a more Western or British lifestyle, potentially at the expense of my cultural roots. This feedback has prompted deep reflection on my part about the intersection of cultural identity and personal development.

As someone who deeply values both my Malay heritage and the principles of being a modern gentleman, I find myself at a crossroads. I'm seeking your insights on how to navigate this delicate balance. How can one incorporate elements of gentlemanly behavior without appearing to abandon one's cultural roots? I'm particularly interested in exploring ways to blend traditional Malay values with modern gentlemanly conduct.

I believe that true gentlemanly behavior should be adaptable and respectful of diverse cultural contexts. However, I find myself struggling to articulate this fusion in a way that resonates with both my personal aspirations and my cultural background. Your platform has always provided thoughtful perspectives on modern masculinity, and I would greatly value any guidance you could offer on this matter.

Perhaps you could share insights on how other gentlemen from non-Western backgrounds have navigated similar situations. Are there resources or articles that address these cultural considerations in gentlemanly behavior? I'm eager to learn about approaches that have successfully bridged this perceived gap between traditional values and modern gentlemanly conduct.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query. Your insights would be invaluable in helping me forge a path that honors both my cultural heritage and my aspirations as a modern gentleman. I look forward to your response and any wisdom you can impart on this journey.

Best regards,

Nik Arif

Answer by The Gentleman:

Dear Mr. Nik Arif,

Thank you for reaching out to GC with your thoughtful inquiry. Your commitment to personal growth while honoring your cultural heritage is truly commendable, and it's a pleasure to offer some insights on this important matter.

First and foremost, I want to emphasize that being a refined man is about becoming the best version of ourselves. This journey often involves adopting positive mindsets and cultural practices from diverse nations around the world. In this context, the concept of a "Renaissance Man" is particularly apt - someone who cultivates a broad range of knowledge and skills, embracing the best that various cultures have to offer.

Interestingly, this idea of appreciating and adopting sophisticated practices from other cultures has historical precedent even in Islamic tradition. Consider this hadith attributed to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):

"Verily, you shall conquer Constantinople (the capital of the Roman Empire, now modern Istanbul). What a wonderful army (community) will that army be, and what a wonderful commander (leader) will that conqueror be." (Musnad Ahmad)

This amazing drawing by French artist Antoine Helbert of Constantinople monuments (Hagia Sophia, and Palaces) from 4th to 13th C. AD.

© 2024 Copyright Antoine Helbert, Artiste Peintre, Sculpteur, Illustrateur à Strasbourg en Alsace

This quote shows how the Prophet looked highly upon the sophisticated civilization of the Roman Empire, their technology, engineering, arts and culture, which were deemed the best in the world at that point in time. It illustrates that appreciating and learning from advanced civilizations is not at odds with one's own cultural identity, but can be a means of elevating oneself and one's community.

In your case, embracing certain gentlemanly practices doesn't mean abandoning your Malay heritage. Rather, you're following in the footsteps of great leaders and thinkers who recognized value in diverse cultural practices.

It's natural that your choices have sparked discussions among your friends and family. Remember that people often judge based on their own core values and experiences. What you've embraced - the tradition of the British gentleman - may not align with everyone's expectations, especially those who don't share similar ethos. However, this doesn't diminish the value of your personal growth.

From our perspective, your actions - such as dressing appropriately for specific occasions like operas, orchestras, or business environments - are not only acceptable but commendable. You're showing respect for these events and their organizers by adhering to proper dress codes. This adaptability is a key aspect of being a modern gentleman.

It's crucial to understand that adopting these practices doesn't mean abandoning your Malay heritage. In fact, many traditional Malay values align beautifully with the concept of being a gentleman. Values like "berbudi bahasa" (being courteous), moderation, "sopan santun" (politeness and manners), and "budiman" (being virtuous) are fundamental to both Malay culture and the ethos of a true gentleman.

The key is to view your journey not as a choice between two distinct cultures, but as an opportunity to create a unique synthesis. You're in a position to embody the best of both worlds - the refinement of the British gentleman tradition and the rich cultural values of your Malay heritage.

Here are some suggestions for navigating this balance:

1. Educate others about your choices. Explain how the gentlemanly behaviors you've adopted complement, rather than replace, your Malay values.

2. Incorporate elements of Malay culture into your gentlemanly practices. For instance, you might wear traditional Malay batik shirt to certain events instead of a Western suit.

3. Engage in community activities that showcase your commitment to your heritage while embodying gentlemanly behavior.

Remember that being a gentleman is about character, not just outward appearances. Continue to embody the best of Malay values in your interactions and decisions.

Your journey reflects the evolving nature of global citizenship in our interconnected world. By thoughtfully blending different cultural elements, you're not just preserving your heritage - you're enriching it.

We applaud your efforts to elevate yourself while remaining true to your roots. Your unique perspective and experiences have the potential to inspire others navigating similar paths.

We wish you all the best in your continued journey of personal growth and cultural synthesis.

With gratitude and respect,

The Gentleman

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Seeking guidance: Reconciling gentleman's ethos with Malay heritage

Nik Arif seeks guidance on blending Western gentlemanly behavior with traditional Malay values. Explore how modern masculinity can honor diverse cultural roots.

Question from Mr. Nik:

Dear GC Team,

I hope this email finds you well. My name is Nik Arif, a 38-year-old resident of Petaling Jaya and a long-time follower of your esteemed platform. I'm writing to seek your guidance on a personal matter that I believe aligns closely with the ethos GC champions.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query. Your insights would be invaluable in helping me forge a path that honors both my cultural heritage and my aspirations as a modern gentleman. I look forward to your response and any wisdom you can impart on this journey.

Best regards,

Nik Arif

Answer by The Gentleman:

Dear Mr. Nik Arif,

Thank you for reaching out to GC with your thoughtful inquiry. Your commitment to personal growth while honoring your cultural heritage is truly commendable, and it's a pleasure to offer some insights on this important matter.

Interestingly, this idea of appreciating and adopting sophisticated practices from other cultures has historical precedent even in Islamic tradition. Consider this hadith attributed to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):

"Verily, you shall conquer Constantinople (the capital of the Roman Empire, now modern Istanbul). What a wonderful army (community) will that army be, and what a wonderful commander (leader) will that conqueror be." (Musnad Ahmad)

This amazing drawing by French artist Antoine Helbert of Constantinople monuments (Hagia Sophia, and Palaces) from 4th to 13th C. AD.

© 2024 Copyright Antoine Helbert, Artiste Peintre, Sculpteur, Illustrateur à Strasbourg en Alsace

In your case, embracing certain gentlemanly practices doesn't mean abandoning your Malay heritage. Rather, you're following in the footsteps of great leaders and thinkers who recognized value in diverse cultural practices.

The key is to view your journey not as a choice between two distinct cultures, but as an opportunity to create a unique synthesis. You're in a position to embody the best of both worlds - the refinement of the British gentleman tradition and the rich cultural values of your Malay heritage.

Here are some suggestions for navigating this balance:

1. Educate others about your choices. Explain how the gentlemanly behaviors you've adopted complement, rather than replace, your Malay values.

2. Incorporate elements of Malay culture into your gentlemanly practices. For instance, you might wear traditional Malay batik shirt to certain events instead of a Western suit.

3. Engage in community activities that showcase your commitment to your heritage while embodying gentlemanly behavior.

Remember that being a gentleman is about character, not just outward appearances. Continue to embody the best of Malay values in your interactions and decisions.

Your journey reflects the evolving nature of global citizenship in our interconnected world. By thoughtfully blending different cultural elements, you're not just preserving your heritage - you're enriching it.

We applaud your efforts to elevate yourself while remaining true to your roots. Your unique perspective and experiences have the potential to inspire others navigating similar paths.

We wish you all the best in your continued journey of personal growth and cultural synthesis.

With gratitude and respect,

The Gentleman

READ MORE: The dapper & socialite gent: Lessons from Tunku Abdul Rahman

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