Getty. Picture for illustration only.
Question from Mr. Stan:
Folks,
Well done on the GC site. The name's Stan. I am a Canadian working in Malaysia. Discovered your site from one of the Malaysian social media pages.
I'd like to touch on something that has not been said yet which is the "gotcha" culture that is happening today. Unfortunately I was a victim of this "culture". What is it? Basically it's about couples going through each other's phones trying to uncover some kind of unfaithfulness..mainly initiated by women who have trust issues with their men. I dated more than 10 women in my life. canadians, malaysians, chinese.....All of them had some sort of itch with my phone. They were obsessed with what I post on my social media, with whom I interact, even down to the pictures that I like. Once I was caught, there would be 1,001 questions that I needed to answer. This is worse than PTSD. It's like being in an interrogation room. They kept on thinking that I must have done something wrong on social media that they just can't accept if there were no flaws.
I was once married to a Malaysian woman. I thought I finally found my other half. There is only so much you can know about someone until you start living together. A simple "like" on a woman photo would get the whole shebang running....starting with, who is laura? how do you know laura? do you have her number? how long have you known her? why would you like her picture? and it goes on for the next 45 minutes until it gets on my nerves because her question no longer resembles a question but it slowly turns into an allegation like why have you never introduced me to her? Are you quietly going out with her? Can I see your texts with her? My question is simple: If you don’t trust your partner, why on earth are you with them? If they can’t trust, they are not relationship-ready.
Your partner is always going to make mistakes but here you have a partner that keeps track of all your mistakes. This is score keeping. Trying to keep tabs of all your faults on a score sheet. For what purpose? I have no idea, I wish Jesus would enlighten me on this as to why women love to keep track of mistakes. Just forgive and let go. Life is too short to think about your partner's mistakes. It makes me think whether the principles of giving the benefit of doubt have collapsed and died. This zero-tolerance policy on mistakes, is a brutal regime and dangerous. That’s not loving. If you have a partner who tracks your mistakes, don't marry this person. You are going to have a hard time managing this. I certainly did.
Lastly is the power struggle. Most women I have dated are covertly and passive-aggressively controlling. They demonstrate a strong co-dependency and competition. My ex-wife used to belittle me in front of her friends like she is tough and I am the one who looks up to her. She was seriously disrespectful to me.
Such experiences are a boon of sorts, because it paints a picture of the shittiest ways I can be treated by women and makes me a stronger person. What I have learned here is to learn to love myself. Never look for love from others and don't be too emotionally dependent.
I would like to end this with a scene from the Rocky film that always rings a bell. When Rocky's trainer Mick finds out that Rocky was attached to a woman, he grumbles incoherently at Rocky and tells him point blank, “Women. Weaken. Legs!”
Best,
Stan.
