GC Illustration.
Editor’s Note: This letter has been edited for length and clarity while preserving the writer’s voice. The writer’s name has been changed at her request.
A very good Friday to the GC community.
My husband has been a big GC follower for two years now, so I wish to congratulate the GC team for inspiring him. He thinks luxury living is lacking in Malaysia, and that more Malaysian men should devote themselves to high-class events and mingling with high society.
Unfortunately, I do not share his opinion, nor do I share his high appraisal of GC. Frankly speaking, I'm speaking on behalf of a few other women in my circle who feel that GC is spoiling our men with this "fun, luxurious" lifestyle.
To me, the lifestyle GC promotes reads more like a rich kid's toys than a gentleman's culture, the kind of showcasing of branded items and yacht holidays that gets a young man noticed by luxury brands looking to capitalize on wealthy families, since they're the only ones who can afford the products.
You're called Gentleman's Code, not Gentleman's Lifestyle. There's a big difference.
My husband is a 30-year-old accountant. He loves movies with expensive lifestyles and hobbies, and thought that world only existed in Hollywood until he came across GC, after some of the high-end brands he follows tagged you. He checked out your site and became fascinated, especially since you're Malaysia-based.
When I look at your site, the first "value" you emphasize is genteel, aristocratic quality. Isn't aristocracy a form of oligarchy? Is that suitable to promote to modern citizens? It suggests inequality, unfair power to those born into titles and status, a clear separation between upper, middle, and lower classes. How can you promote this in Malaysia?
You're not only spoiling the men, you're spoiling the society around them with this belief.
A luxury resort stay is a luxury lifestyle. Fine dining is a luxury lifestyle. Neither represents being part of a gentleman's code.
Tennis is a gentleman's sport, but you feature it like a luxury lifestyle, with nothing about the etiquette one needs to adhere to on the court.
You should focus on writing more about things that actually relate to a gentleman's code, like the etiquette expected of men, especially within marriage. Men should know carpentry. They should know plumbing. They should know how to fix electrical wiring, replace a car battery, or change a flat tire. These are the kinds of articles GC should be writing, because frankly, men are lacking in all these areas, and their simple way out is to outsource. A gentleman isn't about the fun stuff. The real deal is knowing how to fix things around the house, making his own bed, doing his own laundry.
A real gentleman knows how to cook. That should be in GC's DNA. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see anything about inspiring men to cook. Your dining articles are all about expensive high-end restaurants, the kind people flock to for a first date to impress, then forget about once it's blown a hole in their pocket.
Interview a few women and you'll be surprised by what they actually complain about when it comes to men, and it's not fine dining, motorsports, or tennis.
When a man knows how to dress up and eats or lives luxuriously, that's not a gentleman. Not to my eyes, and not to most of the women I know.
Obsession with control, I don't see any content addressing this. It's a typical behavior in men: dictating schedules, vacation destinations, or meal choices, trying to act as the primary decision-maker in the household. This is one of the most important traits of a gentleman, and one of the most common complaints among women.
The men's fashion week article you recently published, I fail to see the connection between that and being a gentleman, beyond another luxury lifestyle showcase for the wealthy. I see a bunch of men putting their best face forward to network with VIPs. If you're a fashion designer, I understand the relevance as part of the job, but as an article for GC? I don't see the connection unless you're chasing views.
After looking at some of your recent write-ups, I really don't think my husband should follow GC until it can change my perception that this isn't just a party site. It needs an element of foresight. I'll be speaking to him about this. I think your team have a lot to learn about what a real gentleman's code looks like, because being a gentleman isn't all about enjoyment and entertainment.
Signing off,
Imani
Answer by The Gent:
Dear Imani,
We read your letter carefully, more than once, and we want to thank you for the honesty in it. It is not an easy thing to write to a publication your husband admires and tell them plainly why you do not share his admiration. We do not take that lightly, and your questions deserve a considered answer.
It is fair to say that our more visible content, exclusive event, fashion week, high-society, tends to travel further than our quieter pages. But GC was built around six pillars, and Etiquette sits among them, alongside Noblesse Oblige and Chivalry. It is there that we write about etiquette, conduct, and what it means to carry oneself well, not merely to dress well. We suspect it is this quieter half of GC that has not yet found its way to you.
Your reading of aristocratic language stayed with us. Historically, the words genteel and gentry did rise from nobility and high standing, that much is true. But it is worth remembering what that standing once asked in return. Those born to privilege were also expected to uphold a code because their position gave them the means and the visibility to set an example. Privilege, in that older sense, was inseparable from responsibility. A gentleman's conduct was meant to lift the people and the society around him, not simply to set him apart from them. This is the spirit we reach for when we speak of genteel or aristocratic quality, not a claim to birthright, but a beautiful memory of that older expectation, that refinement should always be paired with duty. We understand these words can land differently today, and your letter has reminded us to write with that clarity in mind.
This, too, is the thinking behind our monthly Things To Do pages, which can look, at first glance, like a calendar of expensive outings. What we hope to curate there sits beyond class or price: an appreciation of good taste, of beauty, of human talent at its finest, wherever in the world it is found. A concert, an exhibition, the hands of a craftsman, a meal made with care, all offered as things worth noticing and being moved by, not simply things worth spending on.
On the question of control within a household, please know it has not escaped us. It has been raised and answered directly by women readers in our Ask The Gent section, and we would welcome your voice there too. On tennis, our Gent Sport pages carry the tradition and etiquette of the game itself, not only its lifestyle. And on fashion week, we owe you candour rather than deflection: some of what we cover there involves friends and business associates of GC, and part of what we do is help elevate the occasions that matter to the brands partner and the people in our community. That context does not always travel with the article, and we are grateful you asked rather than simply assumed.
We want to say plainly where we stand. Integrity, humility, responsibility to one's household and community, respect earned through conduct rather than claimed through status, these sit at the centre of what GC is meant to be. They are the foundation beneath the lifestyle content, and we know we have not always made that foundation visible enough.
You are right that we are called Gentleman's Code, not Gentleman's Lifestyle, and we do not take that distinction lightly. And yet we do not believe living well, and living beautifully, need stand apart from that code. We would rather see it as something a husband and wife pursue together in diligent manner, not something that draws a man away from his home and the people in it.
We do not know if anything here will change how you see us, Imani, and we want to be honest that this is alright. We are not writing to win an argument. We simply wanted you to know where we stand, and why, and to thank you for asking us to say it out loud. Whatever you come to think of GC, we will continue building it the same way, steadily, and in keeping with the noble values we believe are worth carrying into the world.
We'd love for you to explore the Etiquette section when you have a moment, and we'd welcome hearing your thoughts after reading it. Conversations like this one are exactly what help GC become a publication both you and your husband can be proud to follow.