25.01.2025

Gender equality vs. reality: A veteran’s take on modern relationships

A retired army veteran shares his concerns about gender equality, its impact on modern marriages, and why men seem to bear the brunt of the imbalance. Could this be a wake-up call for society?

Beatrice Borromeo & Pierre Casiraghi.

Photo for illustration only. Photo credit: IPA-Agency.Net

Greetings GC,

B here from New Zealand (NZ). I am 65 years old, retired from the army and spending the rest of my life reading. I love to read things that would spark a debate yet I am a man with a few words so my write ups are usually short and precise.

NZ is a nation that supports gender equality and we were the first nation in the world where the 5 highest in offices of power were held by women.

I am not supportive of gender equality and I find it as a grave threat because we will always be different. Men and women are never born equal (voice, DNA, body functions, muscle mass, body fat etc). It is a ridiculous cause. It doesn't improve the condition of marriage either. NZ is infamously known for grey divorce. Basically it is a divorce that happens when one reaches the retirement age (50+) where the couple just cannot live and interact with each other. Work was what kept their marriage because less time was spent on each other. I am a divorcee myself at the age of 53 after marrying for 30 years. I tied the knot at the age of 23. Once I had more time with her when we both retired, things just spiralled down.

https://www.1news.co.nz/2024/09/03/increasing-number-of-kiwi-couples-divorcing-in-later-life/

My point is, gender equality isn't helping men at all except giving women more benefits on top of the tons of benefits they already have as a woman. Do not be fooled by the 50-50 split of bills, that entirely depends on their preference. Gender equality law claims that it advocates for the equality of all men. It is not, it is subject to a woman's preference but it is not clearly written in the law. I was paying 95% of the bill despite all the gender equality going on and my ex-wife was a general manager in one of the top NZ banks.

With the advent of gender equality which doesn't benefit men, and many other feminist movements, it is time for publications such as yourself to publish more videos to strongly advocate and preserve the importance of men in society. A video that discusses gender equality would really jolt your views.

B

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Mr. B,

Thank you for your letter. Your insights, shaped by both your military service and personal experiences, bring a valuable perspective to this discussion.

You are right—men and women are inherently different. Our physical, emotional, and psychological makeup is not the same. Gender equality should not aim to erase these differences but to ensure fairness—where both genders are judged by their merit and held accountable equally. The real danger is when equality becomes selective, granting privileges without demanding the same level of duty in return.

The grey divorce trend you mentioned is proof that relationships today are often held together by routine rather than true connection. When careers are no longer a distraction, couples realize they have drifted apart. This raises a crucial question: Are we focusing too much on redefining roles rather than strengthening the human bond between men and women?

But here’s an even deeper concern: What happens if the balance between power (masculinity) and grace (feminine) is lost? If both men and women chase leadership and power relentlessly, who will uphold the grace, patience, and understanding that keep our world in harmony? Power alone cannot sustain relationships, families, or even society—it needs to be balanced with qualities that soften its edges. If both genders are constantly in competition, will we lose the ability to complement one another?

You also raised a strong point about gender equality often benefiting women more than men. If men are expected to evolve, women must also embrace the burden and responsibilities that come with true equality—not just in career and leadership but in duty, sacrifice, and resilience. Strength without grace leads to conflict. Grace without strength leads to fragility. The challenge is to honor both, in a way that benefits everyone. This is easier said than done.

On the topic of content, we completely agree—videos are a powerful tool, and moving forward we are actively looking at ways to incorporate more visual content alongside our articles. Your feedback is truly valuable.

B, conversations like this matter. At GC, we will continue to explore these deeper issues while standing by the values of excellence, responsibility, and integrity.

With sincere appreciation and respect,

The Gentleman

READ: Why modern chivalry is dead

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Related posts