19.04.2024

Chivalry is Dead? Dealing with Demanding Partners in the Modern Age

Man question the perceived outdated chivalry or do modern women just want more?

Picture: Boggi Milano

Man question the perceived outdated chivalry or do modern women just want more?

Question from Mr. J (real name is undisclosed):

Greetings GC,

I just came across your article on 10 gestures that define A gentlemen which you published back in 2019.

link - https://gentlemanscodes.com/etiquette/the-10-gestures-that-define-a-gentleman

I do agree all with 10 but allow me to suggest that the article should be updated to meet the requirements of modern day women. The one important element which you may have missed is to have an immensely strong tolerance level because the ladies in this era can be really demanding. A while ago, MStar released an article about a guy Afeq who was rejected just because he brought a Myvi on a date.

Truth be told, I have experienced over my profession as a tutor in private tuition. The girl I was going after thought I was working as a doctor or an engineer not a tutor. It took a lot to sink that in because it felt discriminatory. I am going to be very open with my life here, I had a very short marriage (1.5 years) which thankfully didn't last because the ex wife was driving me crazy. She is highly demanding and has trust issues over me. She checks my phone, she is suspicious if I sleep late even when I am on my computer doing my work late night, she thinks I am doing hanky panky with another woman. I was even required to go to Nepal for a 3 year project and she refused to go along with me because it's not the country she wants to go. She wanted countries that she likes like the US or Europe. I am the freaking husband, she shouldn't even question me where my office wants me to be! I was footing for her bills.

So how do we draw the line here? Should we tolerate this behavior or are the ladies taking advantage over us just because they are women and they can get away with anything. It seems that they are slowly becoming the decision makers here. They want to have a say on the type of car we should drive, the type of house we would live, the kind of country / place we should go work. I bought a house in PJ because of her yet I was willing to travel every morning to Malaysia Airport in Sepang for work!

Bab Nafkah, If you follow Islam, there are only 3 compulsory things a husband is required to provide to the wife - Food, Clothing and Accommodation. If it's food, it's 2 cupak beras daily, 2 pairs of clothes yearly, and a house based on what the husband can afford. I had to pay for everything including cars, bills, her party with her friends, her travelling etc. The minute I ask her to slow down her activities because my finances were bleeding red, we would go into a big fight but I have satisfied all requirements in Islam as a husband yet It was not enough for her.

I think your article should follow through all the way into marriage because marriage is a whole other ballgame. It would be interesting to read an article about handling a demanding wife. My solution at that time was simple, I had to end it as I couldn't handle her toxic behavior any longer and I might end up bankrupt if I kept supporting her lifestyle.

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hey there, Mr. J!

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your thoughts on our "10 Gestures of a Gentleman" piece! We really appreciate you taking the time to write in.

You're absolutely right, the dating landscape and expectations definitely evolve over time. The 2019 article was geared more towards those initial connections and making a good first impression, but you raise a valid point about extending that concept into the realm of long-term relationships.

Here at Gentleman's Codes, we believe courtesy and respect are timeless qualities, but healthy partnerships go way beyond just tolerance. Open communication and setting healthy boundaries are crucial for building a strong foundation. We can't control what expectations others might have, but we can focus on being clear and upfront about our own needs and values.

The Myvi story you linked is a wild one indeed! It's a perfect example of how material possessions shouldn't define someone's worth. Finding someone who values you for who you are, not what you drive, is absolutely key. Marriage has a lot of ups and down, and when a woman cannot stand your type of car during the dating stage, you should walk-away and date another lady.

Oof, your personal experiences sound incredibly tough. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they're treated with suspicion and a lack of trust. Ending a toxic relationship, like you did, takes strength, and it's absolutely the right call for your well-being.

An article on "Handling a Demanding Partner" is a fantastic suggestion. It's a topic that many of our readers could benefit from, especially when it comes to navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

We're always looking for strong voices to contribute to Gentleman's Codes. How about you? Interested in sharing your story (with anonymity of course) as part of the article? It could be a powerful message for others going through similar situations and a great way to open up a conversation about healthy boundaries and navigating demanding behavior in relationships.

Thanks again for your email, and stay tuned for upcoming content that tackles the challenges faced by the modern gentleman!

The Gentleman and the Femme Fatale: A Dance of Grace and Caution

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Chivalry is Dead? Dealing with Demanding Partners in the Modern Age

Man question the perceived outdated chivalry or do modern women just want more?

Picture: Boggi Milano

Man question the perceived outdated chivalry or do modern women just want more?

Question from Mr. J (real name is undisclosed):

Greetings GC,

I just came across your article on 10 gestures that define A gentlemen which you published back in 2019.

link - https://gentlemanscodes.com/etiquette/the-10-gestures-that-define-a-gentleman

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hey there, Mr. J!

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your thoughts on our "10 Gestures of a Gentleman" piece! We really appreciate you taking the time to write in.

You're absolutely right, the dating landscape and expectations definitely evolve over time. The 2019 article was geared more towards those initial connections and making a good first impression, but you raise a valid point about extending that concept into the realm of long-term relationships.

Oof, your personal experiences sound incredibly tough. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they're treated with suspicion and a lack of trust. Ending a toxic relationship, like you did, takes strength, and it's absolutely the right call for your well-being.

An article on "Handling a Demanding Partner" is a fantastic suggestion. It's a topic that many of our readers could benefit from, especially when it comes to navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

Thanks again for your email, and stay tuned for upcoming content that tackles the challenges faced by the modern gentleman!

Our experts are here to guide you on your path to becoming a true gentleman.

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