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Are modern women destroying relationships? Feminism vs. reality

Man confused by modern woman and questioned the women's entitlement.

Picture: Boggi Milano

Man confused by modern woman and questioned the women's entitlement.


Question from Mr. L (real name is undisclosed):

Dear Editor, 

Allow me to introduce myself, I am L from Kelantan and I came across your web site from a few other affiliates. I am currently doing a study on women behavior and would like to seek your expertise on this subject since you guys are gentlemen which means you are all happily married and know how to treat your lady well and they must be very happy with you. Such a task is becoming increasingly difficult to manage especially with the advent of gender equality. Many women today are arguing about gender equality as a human right which also includes gender pay gap, and gender bias at workplaces but there are also complicated and complex issues such as neutralising gender terms where words like mankind, manpower are deemed as derogatory. To me, I find that this is no longer about gender equality but also crossing towards feminism because many women I encounter see every detail of life as a toxic patriarchal institution which needs to be eradicated ASAP.  In many parts of the world today, a woman would simply claim a sexual assault even if she was only denied promotion by her male boss and such accusation has the power to end a man's career without proof or recourse. Many US and UK male celebrities have lost jobs and offers immediately after being sexually accused by women without any chance of being proven guilty or innocent. 

Even the use of toilets has become an issue, where in certain countries today, toilets are being shared by a man and a woman just to please the other party that this is not a gender bias. Something which we would never have thought would be possible. 

People always think Malay marriages have high divorce rates, but that is untrue. In our Chinese community, divorce rates are equally alarming. A cousin of mine just got off a divorce because he just couldn't handle his ex-wife. She went ballistic and called him a sexist and a male chauvinist when he advised her to improve her feminine sides (more nurturing, more gentle, more soft etc). Sometimes she would scold him in front of her friends over something small which she could have done so in the car or someplace more private rather than showing it in front of her friends. My best friend also went through a divorce as he just couldn't manage his finances because his ex wife can't control her lavish spending. It was his mistake too by agreeing to her to create a shared account so when she finished up her portion, she started using his and when he confronted her, it became a huge fight. She requested for the divorce because she thinks he couldn't afford her anymore. 

I am seeing many women today behaving in such a way. They refuse to listen and would take a stand that this is who they are, even if they spend excessively. If we can't accept them as who they are, they would walk out. This has become a norm. It pretty much tells you that women are becoming so fragile that they can easily break when they are not handled with extreme care and we men sometimes just can't tolerate their nuisance. 

What I see now is that women today have more choices than those back then because traditionally, a woman's main goal was to marry and have children. They have no access to careers and rules and need to have total obedience to husbands / parents. Today, they get to shape their own future and set and alter priorities. If they feel that their men can't accept who they are, they would choose a different direction with ease. They have a quid pro quo and would refuse to change. There is an article by Times mentioning that 40% of adult women in the US in 2023 are living solo and are healthy and happy which further proves that women don't really need a partner in their life if their requirements are not met.

My question is, how do you draw the line between feminism and gender equality? Are we men witnessing the rise of feminism? How can a man be able to change his woman to be the person they want them to be without being labeled a male chauvinist / sexist? How do you make them see the value of money so that they don't spend excessively? 

I would love to hear your thoughts from a gentleman community as it would benefit my research on women studies. 

Thank you

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hey there, Mr. L!

Thanks for the email, man! Interesting stuff you brought up about women these days. Here at Gentleman's Code, we're all about building cool, healthy relationships – you know, the kind where you respect each other, even if you're not exactly the same.

Spot on about feminism and equality being two sides of the same coin. Equality's all about fairness, everyone having a shot, regardless of being a dude or a dudette. Feminism tackles the challenges women specifically face, helping to knock down those walls.

Yeah, women definitely have more options now, which is awesome! It's an adjustment for everyone, but the key is being open and talking things through. Forget trying to be the boss all the time – that "toxic masculinity" stuff isn't cool. Being a man is about respecting your partner as an equal, a teammate, not some young women, who is in danger or trouble and needs to be rescued. False accusations are a bummer, but remember there's always more to the story.

Now, about changing your partner – that's a tricky one. A true gent focuses on his own growth, becoming the best version of himself. That inspires and motivates the people around him, including his partner. Maybe she already sees the value of money, but you haven't had a chance to discuss financial goals as a couple. Open communication is key here. Instead of trying to "make her see" something differently, talk about your financial dreams together, come up with a budget that works for both of you, and lead by example with your own responsible spending habits.

Women's studies are a fantastic field, and we might not be the typical research material, but we focus on building strong, respectful partnerships. Healthy relationships are a two-way street, and understanding women's perspectives is a big part of that. If you're digging deeper into relationships in this modern world, check out our Gentleman's Code archives – they're packed with articles on communication, trust, dealing with fights, the whole shebang. We even have a dating advice section that might be perfect for your research on how women think.

Good luck with your studies, Lee! Hope this helps!

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