A woman’s perspective: The harsh truth about modern men

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Ashikin,

Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective so candidly. Your letter reflects deep frustration, but also a sharp awareness of the dynamics between men and women today.

It’s clear that your experiences, and those of your friends, have shaped a viewpoint where men’s shortcomings are placed under a microscope—rightfully so in some cases.

At GC, we explore what it means to be a gentleman—not as an ideal that all men have perfected, but as an aspiration worth striving for. And part of that aspiration involves self-awareness: the ability to acknowledge one’s flaws and seek growth. You’ve pointed out some very real issues—ego, double standards, and a lack of emotional intelligence in relationships. These are areas where many men struggle, and you are not alone in feeling that frustration.

However, we’d like to offer an alternative perspective. You mentioned that men should simply listen, admit their faults, and avoid being defensive. While humility and active listening are crucial in any relationship, dialogue is also essential. A marriage—or any meaningful relationship—cannot be reduced to one side dictating and the other submitting. Mutual understanding only happens when both parties acknowledge their imperfections, rather than positioning one side as always in the right.

Your experience speaks of deep disappointment, and rightfully so. Men, indeed, are far from perfect. The ego, the unrealistic expectations, the contradictions in desires—all valid critiques. But we would argue that the same could be said about both genders in different ways. Human imperfection is universal. If we approach relationships believing that one side must dominate, outwit, or "win," then marriage is doomed from the start. A peaceful and fulfilling relationship is built on mutual understanding—not on proving who is right, who is superior, or who should suffer consequences for past wrongs.

The reality is, based on our observations, a great marriage is not about one gender correcting the other but about two imperfect individuals bringing out the best in each other. The true gentleman is not perfect; he is simply a man who strives to be better. And the same can be said for an exceptional lady. But if we believe that all men (or all women, for that matter) are incapable of growth, then we leave no room for the possibility of meaningful relationships.

Feminism has certainly empowered women in ways that were long overdue. But if its ultimate goal is to ensure that men “learn their lesson the hard way,” then we risk turning relationships into brutal battlegrounds rather than happy partnerships. The best relationships—romantic or otherwise—are built not on competition, but on the recognition that two imperfect individuals can help each other become better versions of themselves.

Your voice is important, and we appreciate you sharing it here. We invite you to continue the discussion. Perhaps the path forward is not men vs. women, but men and women choosing to elevate each other.

With respect,

The Gentleman

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