A son’s plea for help amid his parents’ emotional breakdown

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Letter from Tomas,

Dear GC,

Thank you for your continuous effort in helping men to achieve gentleman status in Malaysia.

I find your "Ask the Gentleman" section a boon and was wondering if you would allow me to use your gentlemen section as a reference for my research paper as I am currently writing a paper relating to relationships. You have a good number of data which would benefit my paper.

My next question concerns both my parents. My parents have been together for 50 years. Both parents are in their 70's but what is deeply troubling is that they can't speak to each other. People say most couples would lead to situations like this because there will come a time where couples get fed up with each other which is evidently happening to my parents.

But there are psychological implications......my father has been nothing but negative toward everything. He complains about everything. He always sees things in a negative way. He even sees himself as if his remaining life is to wait to die. He doesn't do any activities but stays at home and watches Chinese dramas. He has turned into a very bitter man. They can't do things together without fighting.

My mom on the hand loves to nag. But her nagging has turned into yelling and sometimes physical where she would throw her fist on the table to show her tantrum. A recent incident happened where she slammed her fist on the table at a restaurant because she had an argument with my dad and the entire restaurant just stopped and looked at us. My mom has never behaved in such a way. She was the most loving and caring mother. I have never seen my mother act this way. It was embarrassing to me and my brother and to both our girlfriends. My parents' situation is so bad that both me and my brother would need to take turns to check out our parents frequently because we are worried about their constant argument. My dad would go physical on my mom when she gets out of line with her nagging and then she would retaliate by throwing the dishes across the room. It is a heartbreaking.

Both our girlfriends do not understand the situation and they both do not like that we keep going back to our parents because they think we are spending less time with them and focusing too much on our parents. That is another stress that both my brother and I face. My girlfriend has begun nagging me like my mother does to my dad and has started to rebel against most of my decisions which is slowly getting on my nerves. My elder brother is also facing the same thing. Me and my brother do not want our relationship to end up like our parents where it's all nothing but argument, yelling and negativity. We do not want to end up as bitter old men. They are both 70 plus yet they should be living happily and a quiet life but instead of that, they continue living miserably and both my brother and I would need to manage not only them but also our girlfriends. It's tough to have parents who are unhappy about everything.

My brother and I are tense because it is also affecting us and our relationships. The whole idea of companionship is for you to take care of each other with love and not trouble your kids because we have our own life too. But in this scenario, we are both required to pay attention to them.

I'd like to get GC's advice on how me and my brother manage this? My parents' animosity at each other is so deep. Nobody would ever want to settle down if they were to observe my parents' precarious situation because it is scary.

This is also the reason why I have decided to write a paper on these troubles because we do not want society to end up in such a situation. An unhappy life can change a person's personality, character and beliefs if it is left ignored.