Photo Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
Letter from Angie
A very good morning to GC founders and distinguished members.
My name is Angie, I am from PJ, Malaysia. First and foremost, thank you for trying to educate men on how they can be a better person. But I would like to hold your attention on something I have noticed about men today. I also would want the woman readers to also read what I am about to say.
It has been six months since my divorce was finalized, and I am still learning how to breathe in this new, unfamiliar air. Some part of me feels grateful that I no longer need to shed any more tears. I was married to a Chinese man whom I know for 14 years. We decided to get married in January 2020. True they say that we can only know a person so much until we stay with the person together. He was a project manager, and he didn't land a job due to covid because the company did not renew his contract. He tried to land a job, but competition was tough. One fine day, he decided that he just wanted to quit working because he felt it was too tough to get a job. I didn't question his decision because I thought he was depressed that he was not selected for the jobs he had applied and needed some timeout. Days went, weeks went and then months went by.
One fine afternoon, I asked him about his job, and he said he no longer wants to work and plans to be a full-time writer. I told him we need to pay the bills, and we can't afford to delay payments until he gets whatever he wants to publish out there. That was when he went on a tantrum at me, and he started yelling and screaming at me. He told me to pay the bills until he can land a job.
Another 3 months went by, and he still couldn't get a job. He said he wanted to write, but I couldn't see anything at his laptop. He was mostly up around the house, watching Netflix and heading to the gym. For the past 3 months, I was paying for everything including his food. Sometimes he would ask me to borrow him some money because he wanted to get some snacks. I knew he had nothing left in his savings, so I asked about it. This time he shoved me by the throat and threatened me never to question about money in front of him. I cried so much every day because I never knew marriage had become a nightmare that I wished it was just one bad dream. I can't imagine preparing and cooking food for someone who just choked and threatened me. This was the person I knew for 14 years, and I am now so afraid of him because he could just kill me.
Another 3 months came to pass, and he continues with his routine, without any job, without anything at all. He was living off my salary and I was forced to pay for his expenses in fear of my life. If I question his routine, he will beat me like I was his punching bag. I still have some scars on my body that will always haunt me each time I look at it.
Then one fine day, I felt a lump in my body. I went to the hospital for a check-up. Did the biopsy and turned out I have a stage 3 cancer. I felt that my life has been completely shattered. My family has no history of cancer. I never thought I would ever have one. I am not a smoker. I am not a drinker. I have a strict diet. I love my work as a salesperson. I love to meet people at work. I did not know how I could get this deadly disease. So, I met a psychologist at Gleneagles to know the possible cause and after I presented all my pain points to the psychologist, he informed me that my constant stress/ worrisome in my marriage may have triggered my cancer cells. I had suffered far too long that it had activated my cancer cells because when I was depressed / stressed, my immunity level goes down and that can activate cancer cells.
Moral of the story here is, to all women, young and old, know your limit. If you are in a depressed marriage for some time, remember it is not worth staying in a marriage fill with hate, pain and suffering. It takes a toll on your body without you realizing it. You think you can go through with it but your body can't. Love yourself more than anything. A husband is just a husband. He is neither your flesh nor blood. He is just with you because of a bond. You break that bond; he becomes an ordinary person. Don't stay in a marriage if it completely deteriorates your health and terrifies you. I can no longer see marriage as a positive energy for me. Marriage has given me depression, sadness and ultimately, cancer. I wished I was never married. I wished I had stayed single. Maybe I wouldn't have discovered cancer if I never got married.
There are many other women who share the same experience - Their husbands refuse to work and get all rage when they are questioned for doing so by their wives. To GC, please, if you encounter or hear a man who refuses to work and feeds on his own wife's income, then beats his wife with no remorse, please confront him. He doesn't deserve to be call a gentleman, let alone a man. A woman is married to a man who refuses to work but feeds off his wife's salary, please just leave him. Why suffer so much...It is not worth your pain and suffering. Please ladies, love yourself before it is too late.
Angie.
