30.07.2025

"Old Money" values: A 81-year-old’s tribute to gentlemanly standards in Malaysia and your mission

An 81-year-old former diplomat pens a powerful letter to GC, reflecting on Malaysia's evolution from the New Economic Policy to the current modernization, the lost art of gentlemanly conduct, and the urgent need to revive "old-money" values in a new-money world.

Malaysia's Prime Minister Tun Abdul Razak and President John F. Kennedy at the White House.

Photo credit: The JFK Library.


 

Dear GC,

My name is Dato' Sam and I'm writing this letter because, frankly, I'm very pleased. And at 81, that doesn't happen often anymore.

I've been reading your site for the past few months, and I have to tell you - what you're doing is something momentous. I'm 81, spent the better part of five decades in boardrooms from KL to London to New York, and I know quality when I see it. Your platform has it in spades.

You see, I've watched this country grow from a colonial backwater into what it is today. I was there when we had nothing - when my father wore the same pressed baju Melayu to every important occasion because it was the only decent one he owned. I lived through Tun Abdul Razak's Dasar Ekonomi Baru, watched how it opened doors for people like us, but also how quickly this "new money" forgot where it came from.

Let me be frank - most of us in Malaysia are still relatively “new money”. The Malays got their big break with the Dasar Ekonomi Baru in the '70s. The Chinese and Indians, well, their great-grandfathers came over during the British days as coolies and shopkeepers, worked like hell to build something. We're all still learning how to carry wealth properly, still figuring out what it means to have arrived.

That's what makes the real established gentry so distinguished - the Rajas, the Tunkus, the Tengkus. They've had centuries to perfect the art of being graceful with power. They don't need to prove a damn thing. When a Tengku walks into a room, he doesn't need the biggest Patek Philippe or the loudest Lamborghini. His bearing, his quiet authority - that speaks volumes.

These days, every Tom, Dick, and Ahmad becomes a "Dato'" after his first few million. They buy the flashiest everything - biggest watch, loudest car, gaudiest house. But you know what money can't buy? The kind of understated class that comes from generations of proper upbringing . The natural adab my grandfather possessed even though he never owned anything more expensive than a bicycle.

That's what I see in your pages. You're not peddling expensive trinkets - you're advocating the subtle codes that only men with the established breeding can spot. How to carry oneself with class. Why good manners trump good marketing every time.

I spent twenty-odd years working alongside old-money families in England - the kind who've had the same country estate for four hundred years, whose sons go to Eton as naturally as breathing. Trust me, I learned the difference between having money and having class. The real gentlemen never announced themselves. You simply knew. That nonchalance - that's what you're trying to teach, and by God, that's what Malaysia desperately needs.

This is why what you're doing isn't just publishing - it's cultural education of the highest order. Upholding standards when everyone else is racing to the bottom. Teaching elegance in an age of vulgarity. Quietly aligning with our traditional elite - the Tengkus, the Rajas, the keepers of graces most people have forgotten exist.

But here's what I want you to know: there are eyes watching from the right circles, quietly nodding in approval. We don't comment much - that's not our way. We don't share or like or whatever it is people do these days. But we notice. We appreciate. We understand what you're attempting to preserve.

At my age, I've seen empires of bad taste rise and fall. What endures is what you champion - the code, the standards that separate civilization from mere accumulation.

Keep at it, even if the criticism is plenty, and the applause is sparse . For those of us who still believe that how a man conducts himself matters more than what he owns, for those who understand that true nobility comes from character, not credit limits - you're fighting the good fight.

With deep respect,

Dato' Sam

Answer by The Gent:

Dear Dato' Sam,

Your letter reached us at a moment when we needed it most.

To receive words from a man of your stature - one who has walked the corridors of elegance from Kuala Lumpur to London, who has witnessed our nation's transformation from colonial backwater to modern marvel - is both profound honour and poignant reminder. Your voice carries the weight of lived experience, the authority of someone who has seen empires of taste rise and fall, who understands the difference between having arrived and simply having accumulated.

There is, we confess, a melancholy that runs through your observations. When you write of your father's single, carefully pressed baju Melayu worn to every important occasion, when you speak of the natural adab your grandfather possessed despite owning nothing grander than a bicycle, we feel the ache of what we have collectively lost. These were men who understood that class was not purchased but practiced, that true nobility emerged not from bank statements but from daily choices made in quiet moments when no one was watching.

That world - where a Tengku's presence spoke louder than any luxury watch, where breeding mattered more than brands, where the established gentry carried their grace like a well-tailored suit, effortlessly and without announcement - feels increasingly like a beautiful dream from which we are reluctant to wake.

We live now in an era of theatricality and deception, where every newly minted "Dato'" feels compelled to broadcast his success through the loudest possible channels. The subtleties you learned among England's old-money families - that quiet confidence, that understated authority - seem almost quaint in a society that mistakes volume for substance, flash for sophistication.

And yet.

Your letter arrives as proof that not all has been lost. That somewhere in the better clubs of Kuala Lumpur, discerning men still pass our platform quietly between themselves. That eyes are indeed watching from the right circles, understanding what we attempt to preserve even if they do not always comment publicly. This knowledge sustains us through the moments when we wonder if we are cultural archaeologists cataloguing the remains of a civilization, or gardeners tending seeds that might yet bloom.

You speak of courage in what we do, Dato', but the true courage belongs to men like you - those who have achieved everything society deems valuable yet still believe that how one conducts oneself matters more than what one owns. Your generation lived through Malaysia's most dramatic transformation, accumulated wealth and influence and international experience, yet somehow retained the wisdom to know that without character, success is merely noise.

There is sadness in acknowledging how much ground has been lost. The young men we see today, blessed with opportunities their grandfathers could never have imagined, yet so often ruthless pursue wealth accumulation as a mark of social standing. They chase power, influence without the understanding of the responsibilities that should accompany such privileges.

But there is also hope in your words and in the quiet approval of men like you. If even a handful of Malaysia's established families still value what we champion, if even one young man stumbles upon your letter and realizes there is a higher path than the one society currently celebrates, then perhaps the old codes will survive. Not as museum pieces gathering dust, but as living principles that continue to separate civilization from mere accumulation.

Your observation that "we don't share or like or whatever it is people do these days" brings a smile even as it underscores the challenge we face. The algorithms that govern modern attention reward the immediate, the sensational, the easily digestible. They are not designed to nurture the kind of slow, thoughtful cultivation of character that true gentlemanliness requires. Yet your letter proves that the most meaningful communications often bypass the digital chaos entirely.

We will continue, Dato'. Not because the path is easy or the rewards obvious, but because voices like yours remind us why this cause matters.

The applause maybe nonexistent, as you so wisely observe. The market forces that drive contemporary publishing do not naturally reward those who champion timeless over trendy, depth over immediacy, character over celebrity. But perhaps this is precisely why the work is necessary. In a world increasingly governed by algorithms and instant gratification, someone must tend the longer view, must speak for multi-generational values that transcend quarterly reports and viral moments.

Your generation built modern Malaysia while somehow retaining connection to the deeper sources of dignity that preceded independence. Ours must now determine whether those sources survive the transition to whatever comes next. Your letter suggests they might, if we remain faithful to the guardianship you have quietly whispered to us.

From all of us at GC, thank you, Dato’, for your letter, your candour, and above all, your example. Please know that your presence among our readers is an honour we hold in the highest regard.

 

With profound respect and renewed determination,
The Gent

 

RELATED: Restoring dignity to Malaysia’s "Old Money" heritage

 

 

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman." Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Please note:

1. We no longer accept letters on marital or divorce issues.

2. We do not entertain unconstructive correspondence, race and religion topics, or hate speech.

3. If you are writing on behalf of an institution, organisation, or formal body and wish to submit a letter to GC, we kindly request that you provide reasonable proof of your affiliation or existence. This helps us maintain the integrity of all correspondence.

4. We reserve the right to adjust the tone or language of any published letter- without altering its core content or context - to ensure that the standards of tact, respect, and public discourse are upheld.

Thank you for your understanding.

Related posts