20.02.2025

"Mana Hilang Gentlemen Malaysia?" – The silent death of Malaysian manhood

As traditional values fade, Malaysian masculinity faces a crisis. Is the modern man losing his refinement? One reader’s heartfelt letter to GC reveals the urgency of preserving true gentlemanly virtues.

The broken Batman will probably remain a low point on how to stage the heroes’ eventual success.

Photo Credit: DC

Letter from Zul.

Dear GC,

Tonight, as rain pounds against the window of this dimly-lit mamak where I've sought refuge for years, I stare at my teh tarik growing cold — much like the death of gentlemanly values in our beloved Malaysia. With trembling hands, I switch between GC site and news of another economic downturn, my heart breaking as I whisper: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I'm witnessing the slow funeral of Malaysian masculinity.

The men who once embodied refinement are vanishing before our eyes. We're losing them — one by one — to the numbing cycle of EPF withdrawal anxiety, mindless football debates, and midnight Shopee binges. My own father, once impeccably dressed regardless of his modest income, would weep to see what we've become.

Each morning, trapped in LDP traffic, I look into neighboring cars and see the hollow eyes of men who have forgotten how to dream beyond survival. By nightfall, these same men collapse before Netflix screens, too exhausted to remember they were meant for something greater.

I fear we're raising a generation of boys who will never know what true manhood means.

This is why I clutch at GC like a drowning man grasps driftwood. While our leaders shame us with populist behavior and social media feeds overflow with empty promises of overnight success, your platform stands as perhaps the last sanctuary for men seeking substance over noise.

The evidence of our decline surrounds us. Esquire Malaysia? Shuttered forever. Details? A faded memory. Even existing men's magazine have lost their souls to advertisers. Each closure felt like losing a friend who reminded us to stand taller, speak clearer, live better. I mourned each one.

In the crushing weight of instant validation and viral emptiness, who still champions the sophistication for men? Who still believes a man should read books instead of just scrolling TikTok reels? Who still teaches our boys that chivalry isn't dead?

The answer brings tears to my eyes: Almost no one. Except you.

Behind our exhausting racial tensions, beneath our crushing financial burdens, Malaysian men are starving spiritually. I see it in their eyes at family gatherings — the unspoken question: "Is this all there is?"

I beg you — don't stop what you're doing. When GC publishes a new article, it feels like someone still believes in us. If that light extinguishes, I fear what darkness awaits our sons.

With profound gratitude and deepening concern,

Zul

(A middle manager watching Malaysian manhood fade with each passing day)

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Zul,

We read your letter last night over our own cooling teh tarik, and we had to put our phone down more than once just to breathe. Your words didn’t feel like a letter to GC—they felt like a cry from a brother, a man standing in the rain, asking if anyone else remembers what we’ve lost.

Let us tell you this: you are not alone. You were never alone.

There are nights we sit in our study long after our family has gone to bed, scrolling through old photographs of our father and grandfather—men who carried themselves with dignity. And like you, we wonder: Are we the last ones who remember?

When you spoke of the hollow-eyed men in traffic, we felt that in our bones. Just yesterday, we watched a young chap bark orders at a waiter without looking up from his phone. We wanted to tap him on the shoulder and ask, “Who taught you that this is what manner looks like?”

And here’s the truth that keeps us up some nights: GC fights its own battle too. We received insults and criticisms, from some readers insist on confining us to a specific race identity, rather than advocating universal values that transcend borders. There are days we wonder if it’s worth it.

But then letters like yours arrive, and we remember why we fight this uphill battle.

Let us share something personal, Zul. One of our community members told that last Raya, his 18-year-old nephew asked him why he always dress "so formal" when everyone else was in t-shirts and jeans. Behind this question, he heard confusion about why anyone would choose the harder path when comfort was available. He took his young nephew aside and gave him his first pocket square — nothing expensive, just a simple white cotton square. He showed him how to fold it, how to place it just so. The pride in his eyes when he looked in the mirror... that's what keeps GC alive.

You mentioned your father's impeccable dress despite modest means. Would you consider sharing a photograph of him and a brief story? Our younger readers need to see that being a gentleman was never about popularity and wealth — it was about honoring yourself and those around you through deliberate choices.

The light hasn't gone out yet, brother. Not while men like you still notice its dimming. Not while fathers still teach sons. Not while we still have the courage to stand differently in a world that rewards sameness.

Meet us for coffee next week? Not at fine-dining restaurant, but at our old kopitiam where Malaysia's true heart still beats. Let's talk about how we can further add value, one man at a time.

With respect and brotherhood,

The Gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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"Mana Hilang Gentlemen Malaysia?" – The silent death of Malaysian manhood

As traditional values fade, Malaysian masculinity faces a crisis. Is the modern man losing his refinement? One reader’s heartfelt letter to GC reveals the urgency of preserving true gentlemanly virtues.

The broken Batman will probably remain a low point on how to stage the heroes’ eventual success.

Photo Credit: DC

Letter from Zul.

Dear GC,

I'm witnessing the slow funeral of Malaysian masculinity.

Each morning, trapped in LDP traffic, I look into neighboring cars and see the hollow eyes of men who have forgotten how to dream beyond survival. By nightfall, these same men collapse before Netflix screens, too exhausted to remember they were meant for something greater.

I fear we're raising a generation of boys who will never know what true manhood means.

This is why I clutch at GC like a drowning man grasps driftwood. While our leaders shame us with populist behavior and social media feeds overflow with empty promises of overnight success, your platform stands as perhaps the last sanctuary for men seeking substance over noise.

The evidence of our decline surrounds us. Esquire Malaysia? Shuttered forever. Details? A faded memory. Even existing men's magazine have lost their souls to advertisers. Each closure felt like losing a friend who reminded us to stand taller, speak clearer, live better. I mourned each one.

In the crushing weight of instant validation and viral emptiness, who still champions the sophistication for men? Who still believes a man should read books instead of just scrolling TikTok reels? Who still teaches our boys that chivalry isn't dead?

The answer brings tears to my eyes: Almost no one. Except you.

Behind our exhausting racial tensions, beneath our crushing financial burdens, Malaysian men are starving spiritually. I see it in their eyes at family gatherings — the unspoken question: "Is this all there is?"

I beg you — don't stop what you're doing. When GC publishes a new article, it feels like someone still believes in us. If that light extinguishes, I fear what darkness awaits our sons.

With profound gratitude and deepening concern,

Zul

(A middle manager watching Malaysian manhood fade with each passing day)

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Zul,

We read your letter last night over our own cooling teh tarik, and we had to put our phone down more than once just to breathe. Your words didn’t feel like a letter to GC—they felt like a cry from a brother, a man standing in the rain, asking if anyone else remembers what we’ve lost.

Let us tell you this: you are not alone. You were never alone.

There are nights we sit in our study long after our family has gone to bed, scrolling through old photographs of our father and grandfather—men who carried themselves with dignity. And like you, we wonder: Are we the last ones who remember?

When you spoke of the hollow-eyed men in traffic, we felt that in our bones. Just yesterday, we watched a young chap bark orders at a waiter without looking up from his phone. We wanted to tap him on the shoulder and ask, “Who taught you that this is what manner looks like?”

And here’s the truth that keeps us up some nights: GC fights its own battle too. We received insults and criticisms, from some readers insist on confining us to a specific race identity, rather than advocating universal values that transcend borders. There are days we wonder if it’s worth it.

But then letters like yours arrive, and we remember why we fight this uphill battle.

The light hasn't gone out yet, brother. Not while men like you still notice its dimming. Not while fathers still teach sons. Not while we still have the courage to stand differently in a world that rewards sameness.

Meet us for coffee next week? Not at fine-dining restaurant, but at our old kopitiam where Malaysia's true heart still beats. Let's talk about how we can further add value, one man at a time.

With respect and brotherhood,

The Gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

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"Mana Hilang Gentlemen Malaysia?" – The silent death of Malaysian manhood

As traditional values fade, Malaysian masculinity faces a crisis. Is the modern man losing his refinement? One reader’s heartfelt letter to GC reveals the urgency of preserving true gentlemanly virtues.

The broken Batman will probably remain a low point on how to stage the heroes’ eventual success.

Photo Credit: DC

Letter from Zul.

Dear GC,

I'm witnessing the slow funeral of Malaysian masculinity.

Each morning, trapped in LDP traffic, I look into neighboring cars and see the hollow eyes of men who have forgotten how to dream beyond survival. By nightfall, these same men collapse before Netflix screens, too exhausted to remember they were meant for something greater.

I fear we're raising a generation of boys who will never know what true manhood means.

This is why I clutch at GC like a drowning man grasps driftwood. While our leaders shame us with populist behavior and social media feeds overflow with empty promises of overnight success, your platform stands as perhaps the last sanctuary for men seeking substance over noise.

The evidence of our decline surrounds us. Esquire Malaysia? Shuttered forever. Details? A faded memory. Even existing men's magazine have lost their souls to advertisers. Each closure felt like losing a friend who reminded us to stand taller, speak clearer, live better. I mourned each one.

In the crushing weight of instant validation and viral emptiness, who still champions the sophistication for men? Who still believes a man should read books instead of just scrolling TikTok reels? Who still teaches our boys that chivalry isn't dead?

The answer brings tears to my eyes: Almost no one. Except you.

Behind our exhausting racial tensions, beneath our crushing financial burdens, Malaysian men are starving spiritually. I see it in their eyes at family gatherings — the unspoken question: "Is this all there is?"

I beg you — don't stop what you're doing. When GC publishes a new article, it feels like someone still believes in us. If that light extinguishes, I fear what darkness awaits our sons.

With profound gratitude and deepening concern,

Zul

(A middle manager watching Malaysian manhood fade with each passing day)

Answer by The Gentleman:

Hi Zul,

We read your letter last night over our own cooling teh tarik, and we had to put our phone down more than once just to breathe. Your words didn’t feel like a letter to GC—they felt like a cry from a brother, a man standing in the rain, asking if anyone else remembers what we’ve lost.

Let us tell you this: you are not alone. You were never alone.

There are nights we sit in our study long after our family has gone to bed, scrolling through old photographs of our father and grandfather—men who carried themselves with dignity. And like you, we wonder: Are we the last ones who remember?

When you spoke of the hollow-eyed men in traffic, we felt that in our bones. Just yesterday, we watched a young chap bark orders at a waiter without looking up from his phone. We wanted to tap him on the shoulder and ask, “Who taught you that this is what manner looks like?”

And here’s the truth that keeps us up some nights: GC fights its own battle too. We received insults and criticisms, from some readers insist on confining us to a specific race identity, rather than advocating universal values that transcend borders. There are days we wonder if it’s worth it.

But then letters like yours arrive, and we remember why we fight this uphill battle.

The light hasn't gone out yet, brother. Not while men like you still notice its dimming. Not while fathers still teach sons. Not while we still have the courage to stand differently in a world that rewards sameness.

Meet us for coffee next week? Not at fine-dining restaurant, but at our old kopitiam where Malaysia's true heart still beats. Let's talk about how we can further add value, one man at a time.

With respect and brotherhood,

The Gentleman

Gentlemen's Code has your back! We're thrilled to announce our brand new section on our website: "Ask the Gentleman". Submit your burning questions on all things refined living, health & fitness, relationships, culture, style, and etiquette by emailing to: editor@gentlemanscodes.com.

Related posts